Chris Wheeler's Elite 8

I present to you Chris Wheeler's Elite 8 Rankings awkwardly presented by Steven Colbert.  Dr. Shapiro remains #1 for a record setting 128th week.

1. Dr. Shapiro
He's the best.  You wouldn't know unless I told you.  My hair is fake haha. Looks real though doesn't it.  Well now you know who I have to thank.

2. Roy Halladay 
Halladay like me has trouble sleeping.  People think he's such a tireless worker during spring training because he starts working out in the wee hours of the morning.  Take one guess to who peers over him until he wakes up? That's right me.  Roy and I have breakfast every morning because we are the only two people who are up.  You should see how fast Roy can eat an omelet.

3. Clearwater, FL
I love this place and can't wait to go back in February.  Bill's Crabshack sounds pretty good right now.

4. Dockers Stain Defender
I love Khaki pants and these are my favorite.  With the amount of Jello I eat these come in handy.  If I spill on my pants no problem I'm covered.

5. Vitality Clinic
Another reason I can't wait to get back down to Florida.  Talk about a place the revitalized my happy zone.  My wife JILL has never been happier.

6. McFadden's at the Ballpark
This is my favorite place to party before and after Phillies games.  I don't drink the firewater there but I love the Pepsi.  I will have 3 or 4 before games, free refills!  $3 buys you all the drinks you can handle after the games.

7. Pokey Reese
What a fun ball player to watch.  He was two time gold glove winner and was just a solid baseball player.  Ok honestly,  I love his name.  Pokey Resse, it doesn't get much better than that.

8. Ryan Madson
Can you imagine a better guy in the 8th spot.  Did you think this wasn't going to have Wheeler humor?

Bedtime Stories with Chris Wheeler

Hi kids! The kids collectively groan, not yet smart enough to realize Chris Wheeler (better known as Wheels) shouldn't be in their room to begin with.  Would you like me to tell you a bedtime story?  The kids are puzzled and say "but we were asleep already Mr. Wheeler."  Wheeler convinces the kids it will be fun and they reluctantly agree.

There once was an evil man with wagon spoke (Alfonso Soriano) and he hit alot of home runs.  "Mr Wheeler we don't like baseball."  Kid I don't know any other stories my life revolves around baseball, trust me it will be good.

The man with the wagon spoke would swing at just about every pitch and with his big bat he had an unfair advantage against pitchers. When the ball came into his happy zone he would do bad things. "Mr. Wheeler, where is the happy zone?" It's about belt high middle in.  The kid points to his waist where his belt normally goes when he attends church.  "Right here?" Actually its a little lower than that, here let me show you.

The door flies open and the kids mother walks into the room as Chris Wheeler ahem adjusts himself and heads for the window.

Stay tuned for more exciting stories of Chris Wheeler's life outside of the booth.