Analogy of the Month

America is founded upon the entitlement of its citizens to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. But what is this happiness that we're supposed to be pursuing, and what measures do we take in this illustrious pursuit? And who are we ultimately trying to make happy - ourselves, or those whose opinions we value and whose approval we seek? The concept of happiness itself is both abstract, in that it means something different to everybody, and paradoxical, in that the more we strive to attain happiness, the less happy we often are.

Take a look at the everyday behavior of people and you'll notice that we bust our asses at a lot of things just so we can reach a level of acceptability - not greatness, not some kind of legendary status, but just plain acceptability. You see us get up every morning and sit in traffic like sperm cells on our way to work, only to repeat the action that night on the way home. You see people working out 5 times a week just so they can be attractive enough to avoid immediate rejection from the opposite sex. You see us throw a Prince Fielder-sized percentage of our earnings to the wind so we can have a decent place to live and a decent car to drive. Why all of this? Because we want. to. fit. in. The human race, especially in America, is constantly running on a hamster wheel, thus giving us the Analogy of the Month, the "Hamster Wheel of Happiness." You break your balls day in and day out, week in and week out, month in and month out, just for the expectations to periodically reset themselves and force us to start over.

The general concept of happiness is that it's some sort of nirvana or utopia we're supposed to ultimately reach. So we work harder, put in more hours, put in more sweat, make an extra sacrifice or two, all in hopes that one day life will become like the bonus round at the end of the route in the old Nintendo game Paperboy. On this, look no further than Al Czervik for the appropriate wisdom - "if you keep busting your hump 16, 20 hours a day, you'll end up with a 60 million dollar funeral!"

The Hamster Wheel of Happiness is a damning course. People get on it with the best of intentions, and more often than not the chase for happiness itself becomes the very thing that beats them into a downtrodden state of self-defeat. To quote Denis Leary, happiness comes in small doses (go to the 2:20 mark of the video to be enlightened). There is no utopia. The Wizard at the end of the yellow brick road doesn't know shit. It's not about finding the dream job, it's just about finding a job you kind of like. Even the so-called "perfect job" will have its bad days and the even supposedly perfect couples will fight from time to time. Take enjoyment in the small things or else be eaten alive by the quest for the big things.

The fine line is this: assign some intrinsic value to your undertakings, or eventually you'll burn out or lose your mind. If you constantly work out in order to be in shape and be attractive by modern Western standards, then you'd better get some actual enjoyment and satisfaction out of it or you're ultimately wasting your time. That's why all the "I want a good beach body" people disappear from the gym after a month. At some point, it's got to be about the feeling you get from benching twice your weight or finishing that marathon that keeps you coming back. The same principle applies to your occupation - if there's a sense that you're making the most of your skills and providing more value than the Average Joe, then you can avoid entering Office Space mode.

Of course, this whole "Hamster Wheel" stuff isn't all bad. We all have our own hamster wheels that we run on, and when approached in the right manner, our neverending plights can be the formula for success. I've been doing an inordinate amount of quoting in this post already, but this one is too good to pass up. From Andrew Grove, former CEO of Intel, via our pal Ryan's Facebook profile: “Success breeds complacency. Complacency breeds failure. Only the paranoid survive.” What I like about that quote so much is that Grove says it's OK to run on a hamster wheel. Those who never lull themselves into a sense of security will always be on their toes. Attack life as as series of small challenges and small rewards, and you'll gain the perspective to see the big picture.

Analogy of the Week (Month?)

So I talked way too big a game before when I somewhat promised weekly installments of new analogies, but, in going with the old "Quality over Quantity" defense, I'm going to amend the series to "Analogy of the Month." Today we branch out into a topic rarely explored here to this point - pets. (Because you don't want to read yet ANOTHER baseball post by Lou before the season even starts, right? Don't worry, there's plenty of those in queue...)

To me, there is no debate when it comes to dogs vs. cats. There's only one ultimate pet, and that is Man's Best Friend. Of course I have my biases - I come from a family of bulldog lovers and in my lifetime have had 5 similar to that handsome gentleman you see up there. I also developed a cat allergy around age 6, so any affinity I had for the felines was thrown out the window back when I was playing with WWF action figures 6 hours a day.

But there's little dispute that a dog is a loyal companion who is happy to have you just as you are. Yes, it requires a good deal of time and effort in order to train and care for a dog, in most cases much less than would be necessary to have a cat. A dog, however, is appreciative of every nugget of food you give him, every scratch on the back and rub behind the ears. A dog's world is totally at peace once you walk through that door. Dogs take joy in the simplest of things - chewing a bone, being able to carry his leash on the final stretch of a walk, or having a nice snack of freshly fallen snow.

Cats, on the other hand? Well, I just don't buy the appeal. Most cats I've encountered are odd, aloof, unappreciative, and tough to win over. They creep around the house all day finding odd nooks and crannies to stow themselves into, and their idea of fun involves scratching posts and backyard birds. Affection toward their master is not their boat - cats have more of a "what have you done for me lately?" attitude than a New York Post sports writer.

Which brings me to the analogy - having a cat is like having a bad boss or a bad significant other. Think about it. A cat is never around when you actually want to find it or need it for something, but they're always up in your face when you just want to relax and mind your own business. And when a cat does happen to be in a jovial and giving mood, its idea of a "gift" is not exactly what you or I would have in mind. "Here, owner, you are such a good owner, I thought I'd reward you with this dead rodent I dragged in from the yard!" Doesn't the "thanks, but seriously, no thanks" nature of such a gift remind anyone of a Jelly-of-the-Month-Club Christmas bonus, even a little bit? And last but not least, just like a bad boss or bad significant other, cats leave a nice pile of shit for you to pick up on a regular basis.

I know this was a pretty big generalization, but it at least makes some sense. Obviously cats are great pets for people who have that certain taste in pets, otherwise there wouldn't be millions of them around. And cats are much more practical than dogs are for those who don't have the time or aren't home enough to properly care for a dog. But if all variables are equal, one would have a hard time convincing me that a cat would be a better pet than a dog. I'm sure there are plenty of awesome cats out there that I'd enjoy having around, but that's part of my point - the "good" cats are often the ones with more of a dog-like demeanor. The point of committing time, effort, and money into raising a pet is the enjoyment you ultimately get out of it, and call me closed minded, but I'm taking this over this 8 days a week.