Oh Hi, March

Take a look at the blog archives on the lower right side of the page and you'll notice a pretty dramatic decline in the frequency of posting between this point last year and now. A year ago we were producing more than an item a day, many of them of considerable length and even more considerable depth. As Kevin pointed out last month, much has changed in the past 6-8 months for the blog's three operators. We've all moved and now live at least an hour apart from each other (as opposed to the 20-minute diameter that had enclosed us a year ago), we've all taken on new jobs or new, unprecedented levels of responsibility at our current jobs, and we're also in the midst of seeing some of the most important people in our lives start to get engaged and married (not actually any one of us yet, though, rest assured). As an unfortunate result, the blog has taken a bit of a backseat. But I guess you can just call that another element of getting older.

On the other hand, I am enjoying some of the things that seem to never change from year to year. As someone whose Winter Dldrums got an early start when Tony Romo broke his collarbone two months before Christmas, there are few nicer phrases right now than "February is over." The Big East Tournament is underway, and for the first time since October, I am feeling interest in a sporting event for reasons other than gambling or spite. Selection Sunday is 4 days away. The Tournament is 8 days away (depending if you count the round of 68 or not), and soon enough will be providing us the 2011 versions of overnight household names Bryce Drew and Ali Farokhmanesh, or maybe another unfathomable run like George Mason in '06, Davidson in '08, or Butler just last year. And once we've seemingly had our fill of the NCAA on CBS theme music, camps will break in Arizona and Florida, and our baseball teams will head north to play games that count once again. Shortly thereafter, the Feel Good Event of the Year will be upon us to erase any doubt that the shitty winter of 2010-2011 is gone.

The only thing that will keep you sane in life is having things to look forward to on a regular basis. It doesn't have to be huge, it just has to be on the horizon. Kevin's piece below about life after college ties right in to this thinking. Simply put, it sucks sometimes. It really does. And we all know that. But we also have to be able to find those openings, those breaks in the monotony that remind us, "hey, it's not all so terrible." For me and probably for John and Kevin as well, one of those ripples of light comes every mid-March. Followers of the blog who have an embarrassing amount of time on their hands may remember that I put that very same Andy Dufresne picture you see above on a post from last year that said some very similar things. But hey, any day that the Shawshank picture goes up on the blog can't be too bad of a day.

Your Life Now vs. Your Life in College

This concept is not entirely orginal, it is borrowed from michiganzone.blogspot.com

Happy Monday

Now 6 AM:  Your alarm pierces your ears as you awake from deep sleep.  You hate the damn sound of your alarm, its a sound worse than a vuvuzella being blown in your ear.

College 6 AM:  Sleep bitches, no worries. 

Now 7 AM: You have showered, gotten dressed and are getting your morning coffee at Dunkin Donuts

College 7 AM: Sleep bitches

Now 8 AM:  Your at work, removing the coffee stain from your tie, your first meeting is taking place and you can't figure out the point of it.  Good thing you had your coffee though because you totally needed to be awake for this shit.  Your boss pulls you aside after the meeting and tells you about a special project he needs you to work on.

College 8 AM: Still Sleeping, how does that make you feel?

Now 9 AM:  Your trying to start your special project but your coworker next to you is playing Seal's Kiss from Rose in a special jazz rendition.  Its brutal to sit through this all day, Michael Bolton and Kenny G are coming don't worry.  Stuart made a point to walk over to your desk and unsolicted tell you about how much fun he had this weekend.  Thank's Stuart but I don't care about what you got at the mall, or that episode of Undercover Boss, please go back to your cubicle.

College 9 AM:  You slowly work yourself out of bed because you have your early 10 AM class today.  It's no big deal though just Sociology 101.  You had to pick an elective course and there are plenty of girls in these classes so why not.  You Facebook stalk some of the girls in your upcoming class on your laptop and scrounge for some pop tarts to eat.

Now 12 PM:  Your taking a working lunch to do the extra work that has been dumped on you today

College 12 PM:  Your eating from a buffet at school and it didn't cost you anything but a swipe on your card. 

Now: 2 PM:  Time for another pointless meeting.  You think all this material could have been covered earlier today.

College 2PM:  Your done classes for the day, time to hit the gym.

Now 4PM: Your out of energy, but there is no way your getting out of here at a reasonable hour, time for some more caffine.

College 4PM: Time for some Madden with the roomates

Now 5 PM: Your boss comes by your cubicle on his way out the door.  He stops to ask, "are you done that project yet?"  You want to tell him the many reasons he is a douchebag, but you know you have to play nice.  You say not yet sir, but I will have it completed shortly.  Your not sure you can complete the project without asking some questions but you will have to do it the hard way.

College 5 PM:  Your roomate is outside on his usual long phone call with his girlfriend that lives 600 miles away.  You have plently of time to use your personal computer to relieve some stress.

Now 7 PM:  The office has pretty much cleared out, this has not been your day.  You don't think you are doing the special project correctly but it's not getting better anytime soon.  Time to slap a period on this.

College 7PM: Time for intramurals in the gym and bonus the hot sorority is playing in the next court over.

Now 8 PM: Finally leaving the office, its dark as shit outside, but hey no traffic and you have to appreciate the little things.

College 8 PM:  Back to your co-ed dorms for a shower.  The bathrooms are way down at the end of the hall and you have to take the long walk to the showers in just a towel.  I really hope no girls have to do the same thing.  Well it turns out its just not your day, three sorority pledges have to use the shower the same time as you.  You share a few admiring glances, and stammer to say hi.  The girls return a hi and giggle as they walk by.

Now 9 PM: You get home and have dinner, you debate whether or not you have enough energy to go to the gym.  Gotta keep that body in shape though your not as active as you were in college.

College 9 PM: You crack open some beers with the roomates.  You get a knock on the door.  What do you know its the girls from 4C you saw in the hallway.  They invite you over to watch a movie, it's probably the Notebook or some lame movie but it doesn't matter you are game.  You finish your beers and casually make you way over there.

Now 10 PM: Your workout is less than stellar, you have no energy left, time to head home. 

College 10PM:  Hey the Notebook isn't so bad when when your watching it with the girls in 4C, your trying to figure out which one you can get with.  Who do you make a move on? Will you upset the others with your choice?  Will the girl be up for it?  These are the most stressful and difficut decisions of your day.  College is hard man.

Now 11 PM:  Your getting into bed but you are having trouble sleeping.  Your skimping on heat to save money so its cold.  You can't get work of your mind.  What if I really screwed up that project?  What is my boss going to do.

College 11 PM: You have finished your 4th beer and the girls are crying because the movie is getting real sad.   It's time to console them.  See you are a sweet guy.

Now 12 PM: Finally you fall asleep, up in 6 hours if you can sleep through the night.

College 12 PM:  Your a chicken and can't make a move, damn your inexperience.  Wait it looks like someone is making the decision for you.  Carly is sliding her tounge down your throat and your a guest in her dorm so you don't want to be rude so you roll with it.  Score.

Winner: Work  College

What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

It's the age-old question presented on a pretty regular basis to anyone under the age of 13. What do you want to be when you grow up? It's quite possibly the first real thought-provoking moment of a kid's life when he or she gives the question an honest answer. What do you want to be when you grow up? Ironically, in many ways the answer to the question does more to define the person you are at that instant than it does to define the person you will ultimately become. What do you want to be when you grow up? The answers to that question often define a generation. What do you want to be when you grow up? In post-WWII America the popular answer has gone from firefighter or policeman, to astronaut or President, to actor or ballplayer, to rock star or comedian. What do you want to be when you grow up? You find the answers to this question often without even asking it; all you need to do is look at the posters that line a kid's bedroom walls. What do you want to be when you grow up? In the '50s and '60s it was Mickey Mantle, JFK, and Jim Morrison. In the '70s and '80s it was Mick Jagger, Joe Montana, and Farrah Fawcett. In the '90s and '00s we had Michael Jordan, Britney Spears, and Mike Myers. But I wonder, who's tacked up on the bedroom walls of young people today? What do they want to be when they grow up?

Before I get too deep and/or nostalgic here, allow me to tell you what my point is. Look at the handful of names I threw out off the top of my head in the previous paragraph. All of those people were, at one point or another, at the top of the line in their professions. Not all of them were saints; in fact, many of them either had some questionable habits or found themselves immersed in some sort of controversy. But at the very least, they earned their keep. They did their jobs and did them extremely well. Compare that to today - how many people do we see being richly compensated for what frankly amounts to a job poorly done? And (this is slightly tongue-in-cheek), is it close to reaching the point where making a fortune for either doing nothing, or merely doing nothing well, becomes the new American dream?

It wouldn't shock me to hear kids today say "I want to be the CEO of a failing corporation when I grow up!" I'm writing this partially in light of the news that BP CEO Tony Hayward is headed out the door, and is still in line to collect the the equivalent of nearly $18 million in salary and pension. Funny thing is, the loot that Hayward will receive is a pittance compared to champs like ex-Merrill Lynch CEO Stan O'Neal ($161.5 million including securities and benefits as a thanks for driving Merrill straight into the teeth of the 2008 credit crunch) and ex-AIG boss Martin Sullivan (a package valued anywhere from $35 million to $60 million). The list of similar golden parachutes goes on and on. These guys make JaMarcus Russell (sorry Kevin) look like a lunch pail-toting, hard hat-wearing union laborer.

Although I could go on about the severances given to Wall Street bigwigs who did nothing but make bad decisions and lose money, we've all heard enough about it by now. It's not limited to inept CEO's and NFL draft busts. Remember Anucha Browne Sanders? If the name sounds familiar, it's because in 2007 she got over $11 million from the New York Knicks in a sexual harassment suit. Let me make it clear that I'm not condoning harassment of any kind, but still, being talked to inappropriately by Isaiah Thomas for a few years is not worth $11 million. Take also, for instance, the recent case in Sea Isle City, NJ, where a family was awarded over $500,000 from the police department alone in a racial-bias lawsuit involving the school's treatment of one of their children. I'm sorry, but unless the details of this case come to light and are shockingly beyond what they sound like, whatever happened can not be worth over half a million dollars. $100k I can see, but once you get into the $500k range you're likely going to cost several township employees their jobs so the lawsuit can be paid.

The maxim in this country used to be an honest day's work for an honest day's pay. More and more, the maxim is shifting to getting something for nothing, or at least getting way more than you deserve for doing relatively little. We're heading toward people's goal in life being to get paid handsomely to suck at their job, or to be somehow wronged by a well-heeled party that warrants a big lawsuit. So, I ask, what do you want to be when you grow up?

How Important is the Approval of Your Friends?

When you meet a new girl its common to ask for the approval of your friends. Can they get along with your friends? Do they handle themselves well in a group? The friends are a litmus test to see if the guy or girl you have been seeing is as cool as you think they are. Girls want to know if their friends think their new man is hot. For guys its the same. Your friends can provide a stamp of approval.

If your blinded by the fact that your getting laid and can't see the big picture your friends can help you out.  They are not getting the action so they can provide an unclouded judgement of the situation.  If your in a relationship and you want your friends advice, you need to open the door for it.  Most people will not come out and say so and so is a bitch at risk of damaging the friendship.  Ask what do you think of her and you will likely receive a canned answer to some degree.  The friend still is unlikely tell you his true feelings.  Tell him considering breaking up with her and the friend will likely step in an give his honest assessment while covering his ass if she comes back.

For some reason I seek the approval of my friends for not just how a girl may act but how she looks.  As if it mattered because they aren't making out with her.  I puzzle myself with this, but I want to know that I'm not the only one who finds the girl attractive.  The judging of her character is something I can figure out, but even still you want your friends to say she's cool. And I mean the exact phrase "she's cool", because that's what I always hear or say when someone is approved.

Your girlfriend or boyfriend are battling for the same hang out time as your long time friends. Except they can offer you an orgasm that your friends cannot.  So the friends may naturally feel slighted at times.  You and your new special friend have to try to smooth things over.  Hang out together and all but don't always be attached the hip.  You can't have the same conversations with a girlfriend in toe.  That would be like expecting me to act the same way in front of my parents as I do in front of my friends.

If you listen to your friends all the time you will inevitably be single. You should trust your own thoughts and feelings above all else. Its understandable to give in to the girlfriend more than your friends.  Usually they won't go anywhere.  However, your happiness in the long run is key, and if this means ditching the boyfriend or girlfriend everywhere once in awhile then do it.  They can survive a few nights by themselves.  Not everynight is a need to hang out night.  When your girlfriend or boyfriend needs you, trump your friends. When its not a pertinent event though, have your friends back if its and important event.

Finally this blog post is all over the place.  This is part of the reason it has been sitting in the que since March.  Perhaps that shows how complicated this stuff can be, and how much more complicated it gets when your free time shrinks.

Analogy of the Month

America is founded upon the entitlement of its citizens to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. But what is this happiness that we're supposed to be pursuing, and what measures do we take in this illustrious pursuit? And who are we ultimately trying to make happy - ourselves, or those whose opinions we value and whose approval we seek? The concept of happiness itself is both abstract, in that it means something different to everybody, and paradoxical, in that the more we strive to attain happiness, the less happy we often are.

Take a look at the everyday behavior of people and you'll notice that we bust our asses at a lot of things just so we can reach a level of acceptability - not greatness, not some kind of legendary status, but just plain acceptability. You see us get up every morning and sit in traffic like sperm cells on our way to work, only to repeat the action that night on the way home. You see people working out 5 times a week just so they can be attractive enough to avoid immediate rejection from the opposite sex. You see us throw a Prince Fielder-sized percentage of our earnings to the wind so we can have a decent place to live and a decent car to drive. Why all of this? Because we want. to. fit. in. The human race, especially in America, is constantly running on a hamster wheel, thus giving us the Analogy of the Month, the "Hamster Wheel of Happiness." You break your balls day in and day out, week in and week out, month in and month out, just for the expectations to periodically reset themselves and force us to start over.

The general concept of happiness is that it's some sort of nirvana or utopia we're supposed to ultimately reach. So we work harder, put in more hours, put in more sweat, make an extra sacrifice or two, all in hopes that one day life will become like the bonus round at the end of the route in the old Nintendo game Paperboy. On this, look no further than Al Czervik for the appropriate wisdom - "if you keep busting your hump 16, 20 hours a day, you'll end up with a 60 million dollar funeral!"

The Hamster Wheel of Happiness is a damning course. People get on it with the best of intentions, and more often than not the chase for happiness itself becomes the very thing that beats them into a downtrodden state of self-defeat. To quote Denis Leary, happiness comes in small doses (go to the 2:20 mark of the video to be enlightened). There is no utopia. The Wizard at the end of the yellow brick road doesn't know shit. It's not about finding the dream job, it's just about finding a job you kind of like. Even the so-called "perfect job" will have its bad days and the even supposedly perfect couples will fight from time to time. Take enjoyment in the small things or else be eaten alive by the quest for the big things.

The fine line is this: assign some intrinsic value to your undertakings, or eventually you'll burn out or lose your mind. If you constantly work out in order to be in shape and be attractive by modern Western standards, then you'd better get some actual enjoyment and satisfaction out of it or you're ultimately wasting your time. That's why all the "I want a good beach body" people disappear from the gym after a month. At some point, it's got to be about the feeling you get from benching twice your weight or finishing that marathon that keeps you coming back. The same principle applies to your occupation - if there's a sense that you're making the most of your skills and providing more value than the Average Joe, then you can avoid entering Office Space mode.

Of course, this whole "Hamster Wheel" stuff isn't all bad. We all have our own hamster wheels that we run on, and when approached in the right manner, our neverending plights can be the formula for success. I've been doing an inordinate amount of quoting in this post already, but this one is too good to pass up. From Andrew Grove, former CEO of Intel, via our pal Ryan's Facebook profile: “Success breeds complacency. Complacency breeds failure. Only the paranoid survive.” What I like about that quote so much is that Grove says it's OK to run on a hamster wheel. Those who never lull themselves into a sense of security will always be on their toes. Attack life as as series of small challenges and small rewards, and you'll gain the perspective to see the big picture.

Do Yourself Favors

So many things in life hinge on preparation. An extra minute of thought can make a bigger difference than you'd imagine. We've heard the sayings "put your best foot forward" and "allow yourself to succeed" for years, but far too often we don't put those maxims into practice. It's not about trying your hardest or being dedicated, etc., but more about doing the little things to accentuate your strengths and suppress your weaknesses.

I admit that this post was spurred partially by the famous "gym, tanning, laundry" clip from Jersey Shore. Like him or not, Mike "The Situation" has a point there. If you want to feel at your best, then take the necessary actions to reach that point. If your confidence will be high because you feel pumped and fresh, then so be it. Do what you gotta do.

You can take so many measures to optimize your appearance that it bothers me to see people out in public that look like total shit. Your hair doesn't look good when it gets long? Get it cut on a regular basis. You're a few pounds overweight? Don't wear horizontal stripes (and get off the couch, but we'll try to stay on topic). You're below average height? Don't wear excessively baggy pants, they make you look shorter. You're very fair skinned, even in summer? Avoid too many dark colors that make you look even whiter. Finally, keep in mind that while image isn't everything, it's quite often the only thing. Like it or not, we all make unconscious snap judgments about other people based on how they appear to us, no matter the setting. So it never hurts to spend that extra minute in front of the mirror before leaving home.

It's not limited to appearance. If you're habitually late, set all your clocks and watches 5 minutes ahead. If you know tomorrow is going to be a very busy day at work, get there a half hour earlier than usual. If you don't like to dance or simply suck at it (my hand is raised), then don't try to meet girls on the dance floor of a bar or club.

It's simple. Figure out what you're good at and stick to it. Fortune favors the bold, but it also favors the smart.

Red Flags for Women

If your like me you have a certain list of qualifications in your head when your dating. Mine are here. http://ragecage35.blogspot.com/2009/10/girlfriend-qualifications.html There are also several red flags that should go off in your head to get the fuck out of there. A grenade has been thrown in your bunker, bail.
-She smokes weed or does any other drugs
-She doesn't return the favor
-She doesn't say thank you after dinner or movie
-She is an only child and lives in a nice area
-She is determined to live in NYC without a chance of a decent job
-She was or is in the hot sorority at school
-She wants to try modeling and bartending for a while without a real job

Feel free to add some in the coments but these are things I have run into all too much.