The Pothead That Never Was

I have never smoked or consumed marijuana or any other recreational drug aside from alcohol.  It will never happen.  However, I am not against it.  I have a Bunny Colvin stance on drug use.  Legalize it all, people who do it will get their hands on it one way or another.  In any event, I have realized I am the pothead that never was.  I have many pothead tendencies, interests, and tastes.  However, I have never touched the stuff.  Yet, those who smoke have often urged me to join them.  I do believe there is a large faction in the pothead community that is committed to recruiting me to their ranks. Throughout high school and college, I was badgered more than once to light up, but I refused.   However, I will continue to support their cause while I refrain from use.

As I mentioned, I do exhibit many pothead tendencies.  First of all, I love food.  I like me some munchies.  I have been known to crush entire boxes of Wheaties 'n Raisins.  I put peanut butter on my peanut butter.  I once ate 30 wings at Hooters (these are not the chincy Wing Bowl wings), and asked for a glass of milk. 

Music is not that important to me, but the stuff I most often listen to is well embraced in the pothead community.  Classic rock such as Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd (not that Education song), Jimi Hendrix, Creedence.  But, I hate the fuckin Eagles, man.  I will even dabble in reggae from time to time.  Feel-good music is OK with me. 

My stance on the legality of marijuana and other narcotics is obviously in sync with the burnouts.  I believe all drugs should be legal and made readily available at a low price.  Imagine brand name pot and generic brand pot in the aisles at the grocery store.  Will the Equate pot work the same as the brand name stuff from Johnson & Johnson?  People will continue to do drugs, there is no stopping it. We are exhausting precious resources trying to do so.  As long as it is curtailed in our society as alcohol is, what is the problem?  There are no laws stopping people from going to McDonald's every day and pigging out on 15,000 calories of pure crap.  Why is it then illegal for that same person to smoke a joint or shoot up some H?  They are destroying their health in both instances.  Imaging if the DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency) cracked down on junk food the same way they crack down on drugs.  Scenes of massive junk food busts would litter the news.  Picture a room filled with depressed housewives sitting around on a weekday watching Oprah stuffing their faces with M&M's, chips, ice cream, boxes of gourmet chocolates, pizza, and consuming massive sugar-laden alcoholic drinks like Hurricanes and Margaritas.  Next thing you know, a SWAT team kicks down the door and arrests everyone.  Imagine that scene.

I love to chill.  I like to sit around in my boxers with the A/C cranking while watching some SportsCenter with a spoonful of peanut butter.  Another favorite pastime of mine is sitting at the computer while listening to music real loud, reading crazy shit on Wikipedia that will blow your mind.  I like having my mind blown, and it is blown quite often, **insert generic fellatio joke**.  I like discussing minute details of random shit.  Movies in particular.  When I really get into a movie, I split every hair and weigh every angle in my analysis.  Pothead movies that I enjoy include The Big Lebowski, Clockwork Orange (questionable, not a stoner movie per se, but has alot to digest), most Stanley Kubrick stuff, and Willy Wonka all come to mind.

Alas, I do not smoke pot, nor will I ever.  But if smoking pot is your thing, then by all means knock yourself out.  There are greater problems in society than people smoking marijuana.  As much as the pothead community wants me to partake in their rite of passage, I will have to respectfully decline.