I was watching the Phillies game last night and they were advertising some upcoming home games. One of the promotions for the upcoming home games was "upper respiratory asthma awareness night" Really? We just got through Autism awareness night which is a stretch anyways for a baseball game. I understand the Phillies are just making up promotions because they are selling out games and are propping themselves up to the community. It's just all a bit much for me. One of our readers works in the marketing department for the Phillies and he gave me some insight into future promotions. Try to picture any Phillies announcer read this promotion too, it will add to the fun.
Colon Cancer Awareness Night- The Phillies plan to offer a free Colonoscopy to fans. The first 100 fans will have their colon checked by the Phillies ball girls, who ironically will be near your balls, but will defile you in a not so pleasant manner.
Tolerance Tuesday- The Phillies will wear purple uniforms and rainbow hats to support the gay and lesbian communities. Join us after the game at Show and Tell where the girls will demonstrate the passion they exude for one another in a one on one show.
Single Season Ticket Holder Singles Night- Follow me on this one. If you have a single season ticket and come to the games alone you must have few friends and little family. So allow the Phillies to play matchmaker. The Phillies will host a happy hour before the game and will pair you with member of your sexual preference in hopes of you finding a companion to watch the games with.
Skoal Night- Fans 14 and under will be given tobacco less dip. It will be tastier than bubble gum kids we promise.
Sons of Ben Night- Fans will be given mini soccer balls and a $5 coupon off their next Philadelphia Union soccer match. We see nothing wrong with giving thousands of fans mini soccer balls at a game, Phillies fans are always on their best behavior.
Wheel the Bases- The ADA is being enforced yet again. Disabled fans will be given a chance to wheelchair around the bases. A special ramp is currently being put in to allow for expensive and easy access to the playing field for wheelchairs. Please allow for 1 hour after the game for the grounds crew to lay down a hard surface to move around the field easier.