Chris Wheeler's Elite 8

I present to you Chris Wheeler's Elite 8 Rankings awkwardly presented by Steven Colbert.  Dr. Shapiro remains #1 for a record setting 128th week.

1. Dr. Shapiro
He's the best.  You wouldn't know unless I told you.  My hair is fake haha. Looks real though doesn't it.  Well now you know who I have to thank.

2. Roy Halladay 
Halladay like me has trouble sleeping.  People think he's such a tireless worker during spring training because he starts working out in the wee hours of the morning.  Take one guess to who peers over him until he wakes up? That's right me.  Roy and I have breakfast every morning because we are the only two people who are up.  You should see how fast Roy can eat an omelet.

3. Clearwater, FL
I love this place and can't wait to go back in February.  Bill's Crabshack sounds pretty good right now.

4. Dockers Stain Defender
I love Khaki pants and these are my favorite.  With the amount of Jello I eat these come in handy.  If I spill on my pants no problem I'm covered.

5. Vitality Clinic
Another reason I can't wait to get back down to Florida.  Talk about a place the revitalized my happy zone.  My wife JILL has never been happier.

6. McFadden's at the Ballpark
This is my favorite place to party before and after Phillies games.  I don't drink the firewater there but I love the Pepsi.  I will have 3 or 4 before games, free refills!  $3 buys you all the drinks you can handle after the games.

7. Pokey Reese
What a fun ball player to watch.  He was two time gold glove winner and was just a solid baseball player.  Ok honestly,  I love his name.  Pokey Resse, it doesn't get much better than that.

8. Ryan Madson
Can you imagine a better guy in the 8th spot.  Did you think this wasn't going to have Wheeler humor?