NFL Injury Report

Mark Simoneau, Chiefs.  Presummed Dead for 3 years, resurfaced to be placed on Injured Reserved.  Out.

Chad Henne, Dolphins.  Frayed wires in knee, Doubtful. (No one will get this joke)

Chad Pennington, Dolphins.  Missing Shoulder, Career Over....Again.

Brett Farve, Vikings.  Shoulder, ankle, knee, blue balls.  Will play anyways but demanded to be listed on injury report.

Fred Taylor, Patriots.  Missing cartiledge in knee yet bothered by toes.  We question what this means.  Expect more white NFL running back.

Reggie Bush, Saints.  Questionable depends on if Karma really is a bitch.

Osi Umenyiora, Giants.  Probable knee. Questionable whether or not he finds female to defecate on.

Darrelle Rivas, Jets. Playing with a fat contract. Will play if he feels like it.

Donovan McNabb, Redskins.  Probable.  undisclosed Air Guitar injury

NFL Injury Report

This is inspired by everydayshouldbesaturday.com 

Brett Farve,Vikings: Glassed over ankles, tendonitis in throwing arm, slightly separated shoulder, cut jaw, blue balls : Questionable

Percy Harvin, Vikings: Migraine. Questionable.

Tom Zbikowski, Ravens: Suffered a gash over right eye in sparring match preparing for his Friday night fight.  Vision is blurred. Probable

Shawn Merriman, Bills:  Missing ACL, MCL, HGH.  Out indefinitely OR until new shipment comes in

Jake Delhomme, Seneca Wallace, Browns:  Murdered by the City of Cleveland.  Buried under statue of Colt McCoy.  Out.

Everyone, Dallas Cowboys: Shattered Super Bowl dreams, fear of tackling.  Questionable.

Everyone, Dallas Cowboys: Wade Phillips fired.  Upgraded to Probable. 

Charles Woodson, Packers: Turf Toe, Probable.

Tom Brady, Patriots: Foot Sprain, Douchebag haircut.  Questionable.

Donovan McNabb, Redskins: Conditioning.  Probable until the game is on the line.

Kevin Kolb, Eagles:  Andy Reid. Doubtful.