Sh*t I Don't Understand: The Wave

Enough. Enough enough enough enough enough. A large group of people standing up and sitting down sequentially can look kind of cool if it is kept up for a decent amount of time. We get it. But why does this heinous crime against legitimate sports fandom continue to be committed? My only conceivable answer is that more and more, people in the crowd at a sporting event have some sort of desire to make themselves part of the show.

Let me make one thing clear. Fans can and should make the most of their opportunity to have an impact on the game. But the wave is not how that is done. You want to make a difference from the stands? It's done by standing and getting loud on 3rd down or a 2-strike count, by chanting "Who's Your Daddy" at Pedro Martinez or "OVER-RATED" if you're at a basketball game rooting against someone like Duke or the Miami Heat.

Has a team ever gotten extra fired up because the crowd behind them has the place rocking, or has a visiting team seen its play adversely affected by a crowd going 100% against them? Of course. But I dare you to find any instance where fans doing the wave had any positive impact on the game they were watching. You can say that most of the times the wave gets itself going are during a lopsided or meaningless game, and that's probably accurate. However, why would you ever choose to be oblivious to a game that you've paid solid money to witness in person?

Even if it's 10-2 in the 7th inning or 28-6 with 5 minutes left, that doesn't mean there is nothing more you can take from being at the game. It's a great chance to pick up on some of the small nuances that you don't get to see on TV, like the way a shortstop picks up his catcher's signs and cheats a half step depending on which pitch is coming, or how a backside post runs the free safety off of a play, or even the general layout of a stadium and how it compliments the playing field itself. If you have the mental capacity to grip things like that, it makes you a much better sports fan than any orchestrated chain-reaction crowd motion can.

A popular response at Yankee games to any attempt at the Wave is "keep the Wave at Shea!" meaning that if you want to screw around, go root for the Mets. Now that Shea Stadium is no more, it's even more fitting. It's getting late so I'm not quite as sharp on my analogies, so whatever the figurative equivalent of turning the Wave into a parking lot is, that is the choice of a more intelligent sports-watching America.

Go Ahead and Tase Him, Bro

Did he deserve it, or was it excessive force? That's been the big question for the past 24 hours or so, with the explosion of the story of a kid running onto the field at Citizens Bank Park during Monday night's Phillies/Cardinals game and proceeding to be given a torso full of taser by the cops. Media outlets of all shapes, sizes, locations, affiliations, and genres have since run with this issue in one way or another. Naturally, it is our obligation to weigh in while this story is apparently such a hot-button issue (or at least before the news cycle renders it an afterthought, likely by week's end).

The jackass deserved it. I don't want to hear crying from him, from his friends, his mom, the ACLU, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, or whoever the hell else has an opinion. I don't want to hear it. It is made abundantly clear from the time you're about 4 years old that you don't belong out on the field during a game, and if you're stupid enough to run out there, then you have it coming to you. Above all else, there is a practical issue here, a matter of safety. Players, coaches, and officials stand out on the field in front of thousands of (possibly inebriated) spectators. To say they're somewhat exposed and/or vulnerable is not a stretch. Don't believe me? In recent years there have been not one, but two incidents of fans leaving the stands and attacking on-field participants, not to mention the famous Rick Monday incident in 1976. I don't care if everyone says this 17-year-old douche in Philly last night was just a harmless class clown. I'm sure that's all he is. But there's no way of knowing that when he comes charging out of his seat and darting around the outfield, resisting the apprehension of the cops.

There's more to it than the "protect the players, coaches, and umps from lunatics" angle. What gets me so riled up when someone pulls a such a stunt is that they refuse to understand it's not about them. There were nearly 45,000 people in the stadium that night, and they paid to see a game between arguably the two best teams in the National League, not to see a skinny kid with a gigantic nose run around. Sure, we all laugh and cheer if we're at a game and an idiot runs onto the field, but at least with me I get enjoyment out of seeing the guy get caught. Just like the "Don't tase me, bro!" moron that gained national fame a few years ago, anyone who runs out onto the field like that is trying to make themselves the spectacle instead of just minding their business and being a spectator. You want to be a spectacle? Then make a nice catch of a foul ball, or something, anything else that doesn't interfere with the game.

So, until next time, don't cry police brutality on this one. It's not like this guy was an innocent bystander that got the voltage from some asshole cop on a power trip, nor did they keep tasing the kid until his heart stopped. Once he was down, that was the end of it. He made the decision to run out onto the field, so let the consequences be what they may.

Still In Frame

She is on your mind whether you cared about her or not. The girls that you bang or blow your chance with can haunt you. It doesn't even matter if you found the next one, there is always "what if" or man it would be great to see that rack again. The girls we let go, or the ones that let go of us, remain on your mind. It's not baggage, but rather a memory. 

We've all had girls that we cared deeply about at one time or another.  They are a part of your past and experienced your maturation as a person.  You may regret breaking up with them, you may not, but either way they will slip into your mind.  Then there are the girls that you didn't really care about but had enough fun with to hang out with a few times.  She resurfaces because she does something really well.  Either she does that thing with her tounge, but you can't bring her home to your parents or she's increadibly cool but your not that into her. Finally there is the one that got away.

She liked you but you were in a relationship at the time. You liked her but were too chicken to make your move. She was in a relationship and came onto you but your morals stepped in the way (pussy), or whatever other reason.  These issues are likely to foster a crush on the other individual for quite some time.  We want what we can't have.  We torture ourselves over a chance to atone for the missed opportunity.  Whether its your objective to just to get in there, or whether its to sign a multi-year deal, it remains on your mind.  She stays in frame. 

The thoughts are hard to let go because its hard to keep your thoughts on just one person.  You find some flaws with the one your with.  You wonder what Stacy is up to because she never complained about you watching sports.  Or you think man is Kelly great, but the sex was better with Lauren. It's natural because its hard to focus on one person.  And its even harder to completely let go of the past.

The bottom line is she's gone.  Let it go and enjoy what you have now.   It's easier to give your own advice than follow it though.