Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Breaking News: Sweet Caroline Dead

Sweet Caroline was found dead in a New York City bathroom at 8:14 AM this morning.  She was 41 years old. Sweet Caroline is survived by Neil Diamond and the entire city of Boston.  Police have not commented on the details of her death thus far.

Update 1:  Sweet Caroline had fallen on hard times and was believed to have been stressed out.  Friends say that she was having disagreements with Neil Diamond for years.  According to friends, Diamond had grown tired of Sweet Caroline always spending late nights at the bar and various sporting events.  Sweet Caroline resided in New York City, but was frequently in Boston.  Monday night, Sweet Caroline attended a charity function at the Kennedy Hotel.  Police are interviewing Harold Rumlin, better know as Mr. Met who is believed to have been one of the last people seen with her. 

Police would not say whether or not foul play was involved in the death of Sweet Caroline and will await the autopsy results until commenting further.

Update 2: Neil Diamond met with police today on his own behalf and had some choice words for Red Sox fans.  "Caroline used to be such a sweet girl and that's why everyone adored her so much.  But we had our differences over the years.  Boston fans were ruining her, and we argued a lot about that.  They never cared about here they way I did.  I hope they rot in hell.  They runied her life.  Every summer that past, Caroline sounded less like a New Yorker and more like a Bahstonian.”

Police have named Neil Diamond, Mr. Met, and Trot Nixon as persons of interest.  There are no supsects at this time.  Police are still gathering infromation at this time. Should you have any information please leave it in the comments.

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