Sites of Future Bowl Games: Yemen

When: December 30 or 31th, it depends on atmospheric conditions (i.e. artillery flying through the air, grenades)

Who: A stodgy Big Ten team (three yards in a cloud of dust has a whole new meaning)  vs. Kentucky or another team sure to be 6-6.

What: We're Safer than Somalia Bowl.  Sponsored by Gatorade (because you have no H2O)

Where: San'a', Yemen.  Specifically the Ali Muhesen Stadium (Capacity 25,000).  San'a' is the largest city in Yemen but yet the first to run out of water.  When checking through airport security make sure you bring plenty of your own water.  O yeah you can't do that, but it's Yemen so there are not real strict on WMDs so there's that.

If You Go: 

• Pretend your are Muslim, and act like you hate all world powers.  Cozy up with some warlords and enjoy some of the finest dining and house you can find.
• There is no rail system so use mini buses to transport your way around the city.  They usually hold about 10 people.
• The average temperature is 68 degrees in December so you should be comfortable, weather wise at least
• The beach is just about everywhere so ladies will enjoy the trip.  Where else can women get a tan, and men shop for guns in the same place?
• Bowl activities include praying five times a day, occasionally running for your life, sleeping with one eye open, and cowering in a corner while civilians are terrorized
• You are a real fan of exhibition football if you are brave enough to attend this game, and will be rewarded with 500 virgins if you do not return.

Previewing the Bowl Games: Putin Bowl

The NCAA has decided to allow a 36th bowl game this year because two eligible teams were left at home and its all about the children.  Temple and Western Michigan were originally told their programs were staying home for bowl season.  Temple Coach Miami Coach Al Golden was working with his agent and lawyers to retroactively get his bowl game bonus.  Vladimir Putin decided to create a bowl game when he was told if he paid the NCAA $1 million dollars they will agree to just about anything.  The NCAA just want to reward the players student-athletes.  Putin was pleased to learn that an 8-4 Temple team was available to come to his bowl where they will play 6-6 Georgia.  The schools' athletic directors expect each school to lose $2 million dollars due to travel costs, hostels to fill, and seats they don't expect to sell.  In Russia, bowl invites you, accept you shall. 

Putin was surprised that Georgia has accepted the bid given the history the two countries have had.  Putin said "We want to put the past behind us.  The last invasion of their country was really quite inappropriate.  We hope this invitation will help our countries move forward.  Besides Temple has a better record and will crush them!"


Where to Stay: Inside, we hear its cold as shit in Russia right now. But seriously, Moscow, Russia is one of the better places to be.  We hear Napoleon and Hitler stayed at Kadat's.  It's one of the nicest hotels you have never seen.

What to See: VODKA for miles and miles.  Drink heavily to forget you spent $3K to attend this bowl game and also to stay warm. Also plenty of ruble and various things made of lead that will get you sick.

What to Avoid:  Going. Seriously you are going to travel across, the world to watch Temple?  You wouldn't go to a Temple game for $10 when its a short subway ride away.

Avoid Russian tanks, women with 5 o clock shadows, women who want to take you back to their place they would rather react the movie Hostel.

Prediction:  Georgia will be leading 27-21 with :02 seconds left.  Temple will have the ball and the clock will malfunction on the last play until what's suppose to happen happens.

Bowl Games Gifts

Your looking at the most surprising gift of bowl season.  Miami and Notre Dame will both be receiving Helen of Troy Blow Dryers at the Hyundai Sun Bowl.  Racial overtones would suggest one team will be using them more than the next, but that may be decieving. 

Other stand out gifts include a gift suite valued at $500 from the BCS National Championship game.  This likely include a television and Blue ray player. Most bowls are also offering a gym bag and apperal of some sort along with a watch.  

The Alamo Bowl offers the following  

Microsoft Xbox 360 with Kinect; $20 Game Stop gift card; Kicker 541 headphones; Apple iPod shuffle.  They also include a watch and some other swag.

The Champs Sports Bowl and Capital One Bowl probably win though.  $420 Best Buy Shopping Spree and a Watch.