Monday, December 20, 2010

Previewing the Bowl Games: Putin Bowl

The NCAA has decided to allow a 36th bowl game this year because two eligible teams were left at home and its all about the children.  Temple and Western Michigan were originally told their programs were staying home for bowl season.  Temple Coach Miami Coach Al Golden was working with his agent and lawyers to retroactively get his bowl game bonus.  Vladimir Putin decided to create a bowl game when he was told if he paid the NCAA $1 million dollars they will agree to just about anything.  The NCAA just want to reward the players student-athletes.  Putin was pleased to learn that an 8-4 Temple team was available to come to his bowl where they will play 6-6 Georgia.  The schools' athletic directors expect each school to lose $2 million dollars due to travel costs, hostels to fill, and seats they don't expect to sell.  In Russia, bowl invites you, accept you shall. 

Putin was surprised that Georgia has accepted the bid given the history the two countries have had.  Putin said "We want to put the past behind us.  The last invasion of their country was really quite inappropriate.  We hope this invitation will help our countries move forward.  Besides Temple has a better record and will crush them!"

Where to Stay: Inside, we hear its cold as shit in Russia right now. But seriously, Moscow, Russia is one of the better places to be.  We hear Napoleon and Hitler stayed at Kadat's.  It's one of the nicest hotels you have never seen.

What to See: VODKA for miles and miles.  Drink heavily to forget you spent $3K to attend this bowl game and also to stay warm. Also plenty of ruble and various things made of lead that will get you sick.

What to Avoid:  Going. Seriously you are going to travel across, the world to watch Temple?  You wouldn't go to a Temple game for $10 when its a short subway ride away.

Avoid Russian tanks, women with 5 o clock shadows, women who want to take you back to their place they would rather react the movie Hostel.

Prediction:  Georgia will be leading 27-21 with :02 seconds left.  Temple will have the ball and the clock will malfunction on the last play until what's suppose to happen happens.


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. Not to be outdone, Mikhail Prokhorov has decided to buy two North Jersey colleges with middling D3 football programs, namely William Paterson and Montclair State, and have them play an annual bowl game in Brooklyn the night after the BCS Championship Game so they don't have to "share the spotlight." Prokhorov has also gone so far as to commission a brand-new Lukoil blimp to fly around the greater Glendale, AZ area the night of the BCS Championship Game to advertise this new, name-TBD bowl game. When asked about his thought process behind the whole ordeal, Prokhorov said in a somewhat surprised voice "Isn't that a not the way things work in your country? You can buy any piece of crap from North Jersey you want and if you move it to Brooklyn, it automatically becomes nationally relevant, right?"