NAGAYT has been very busy recently and for that we apologize. However, we are back with a vengeance today as we have landed an interview with Kevin James, star of the new movie Zookeeper. Zookeeper is opening nationwide July 8th.
NAGAYT: Mr.James, you got your first big break with King of Queens a show that drew just enough ratings to hang on for 9 seasons. Did you think the show would get cancelled sooner?
James: Yes actually, we were out of ideas in Season 4 or so and were constantly coming up with new versions of the same story line. The show was supported by a funny Jerry Stiller and hot Leah Remini. I was playing the fat guy role for a long time and it got old quickly, but CBS kept writing the checks so I kept showing up. New characters were being rotated on the show to try to keep things fresh, but after 9 seasons the gig was up.
NAGAYT: Well I certainly enjoyed King of Queens and occasionally watch in syndication but it hard to see how the show hung on for as long as it did. It never had great ratings but kept making the cut. The success of King of Queens led to movie roles for you. Have you enjoyed working in film versus television?
James: Well television was great but it ran its course. I enjoy working in movies now, there is always something new.
NAGAYT: Your movies have been universally panned by critics, but the majority of them have achieved box office success. Does it bother you that critics have given you negative reviews?
James: I made Paul Blart Mall Cop. I have no defense. Did you see that movie?
NAGAYT: Unfornuately yes, but I couldn’t watch it in one sitting because it was so bad.
James: That movie made $219 Million and the budget was under $30 million I think.
NAGAYT: Well I do not know how that happened but it certainly makes you a bankable star to a degree. Is it all about the money though?
James: I’m a fat white guy in Hollywood and I’m making some solid money in the business now. I’m just as surprised as you are about it but befriending Adam Sandler has really helped my career. As far as being all about the money though, I wouldn’t say that. I think its about making family friendly films with goofy premises and seeing if the American public can still be suckered in.
NAGAYT: Your new movie is Zookeeper and it looks a lot like Dr. Doolittle. How is it different at all?
James: I’m a zookeeper as opposed to a doctor. I’m also a white and make less money than Eddie Murphy.
NAGAYT: That is it?
James: In a nutshell. Hollywood is not trying anymore.
NAGAYT: In the trailer a gorilla wearing a polo shirt goes to the bar and helps you pick up girls. How does the audience avoid from gauging their eyes out during this scence?
James: Well if you go see the movie you should know what you’re getting yourself into.
NAGAYT: Fair point. So have you started working on your next project yet?
James: Yes. It’s called Here Comes the Boom. Saliva is doing the whole soundtrack for us. I star as a high school biology teacher who moonlights as a mixed-martial arts fighter in an effort to raise money to save the school's music program.
NAGAYT: Wow that sounds like an Academy Award right there.
Rome: Clones, we have a huge interview for you today, the biggest name in broadcasting, Mr. Jim Nantz. Jim, welcome to the jungle.
Nantz: Thank you Jim, glad to be here
Rome: Let's start with the NCAA Tournament. There was alot of upsets and it lead to a less than satisfying Championship game between the Butler Bulldogs and the UConn Huskies. Was that the worst championship game you have called?
Nantz: The game was definitely went to the dogs, early and often. Butler just couldn't hit any shots, and UConn's athleticism carried them in the second half. Everyone talked about the dog fight coming in, andone thing was very clear in Houston,Connecticut won best in show. It certainly wasn't one of the best finals but it was a great NCAA tournament.
Rome: How long do you think the NFL Labor strife will continue for?
Nantz: Well it is hard to say really. Both sides would be crazy not to come to an agreement in the next month or so. They need to be able to go full boar after draft, preferably even before it. The last thing the NFL needs is a strike. The strike will be over in short time frame.
Rome: What are you going to do with yourself if there are no NFL games?
Nantz: I will probably play alot of golf (chuckles cautiously). See Jim that's how you tee up a segway.
Rome: Speaking of Golf, the Masters start today, who do you look forward to seeing?
Nantz: Well I think I am like everybody else, I look forward to seeing what Phil and Tiger are going to do. It's wonderful to see all the old greats like Jack and Arnie. It truly is a tradition unlike any other...not just in golf but in sports.
Rome: How do you think Tiger is going to do? Can he get things rolling again and be the Tiger he was before his wife beat him with his own clubs?
Nantz: Well boy do I know what a divorce feels like. I think his wife took half his golf game too (nervous laughter). I think Tiger will roar back this weekend at Augusta. He lives for the Masters tournament, his career really took off here with his first major tournament victory. The course suits him well and by the end of the tournament it wouldn't surprise me to see him battling for the green jacket.
Rome: So are you picking Tiger? Or do you have someone else you are going with?
Nantz: No I think Tiger will contend but I'm actually picking an upset this year. I think an amateur will win the Masters and make history. Lion Kim will be the king of the jungle.
Rome: Nice. Well thank you for joining the program, your welcome back anytime, I always need show to fill.
Nantz: Thanks and remember to watch the Masters on CBS.
The show continues after the break....
Rome: Welcome back clones. Big ups to Jim Nantz. That guy is the man (dead air)..............................Let's go to emails.
Rome,
I didn't get fired from CBS, I fagged out on Jim Nantz because of his brutal puns.
Signed, Billy Packer
Multiple sound bites play over and over again.
Rome: Dead air...........Were going to have a monster smack off after the break. Casper The unfriendly Ghost defends his title against Reid from his mother's basement. Stayed tuned.
Recently a celebrity golf tournament took place in Windermere, FL. Tim Tebow, Bob Knight, John Daly, and Mike Leach were placed in a foursome. The winner of each foursome is entitled too $18,000 for a charity of his choice, everyone else will recieve $9,000 for his charity.
The hosts of the event asked each member what charity they will be play for
A sober John Daly: For fucksake I didn't have a drink all day because I really need this money and your telling me this is for charity?
Host: I'm sorry for the misunderstanding Mr. Daly but I informed your agent this was for charity.
Daly: Can I at least drink on the course?
Host: Yes we will bring you a couple of drinks
Host: Your charities sirs?
Knight: American Heart Association
Leach: Adam James Memorial Scholarship
Tebow: Uncle Dick's Philippine Orphanege Support ( That's real)
Leach: I guess well have to play our best to make sure some poor hodgie doesn't get a knife to his johnson.
Daly: I will be playing for.....the Human Fund.
Tee Off:
Knight: Hey John I bet you $100 that Jesus Freak over here can outdrive you.
Daly: Your On, I'm only one drink in Bob.
Knight: You will address me as Coach Knight, Mr. Knight, or General. Youtube Clip
Tebow: I really don't think you should gamble Mr. Knight.
Tebow, sporting an unortodox swing, drives first and hits the ball 285 yrds. Daly rips its over 300 yrds and lights his first cigar.
Daly (Still Sober): You can owe me.
Tebow: Smoking can kill you Mr. Daly.
Knight: It's a long day I'll make it back sooner or later, after all I'm the only one here who has steady paycheck so I can afford it. What are you up to nowadays Mike?
Leach: Coaching Spring Football for Pee Wees because damnit I want to coach. I don't have my daddy's legacy keeping my job.
Knight pulls his rifle that he keeps in his golfbag (he keeps in there just in case, ya know) and Leach draws a sword.
Tebow: Mr. Knight, Mr. Leach, you guys shouldnt use weapons.
Daly: You're right Timmy, I think they better put the weapons down and just make fun of your Christain Ass all day.
Leach and Knight are ammused and put away their weapons.
After 6 holes Daly leads Tebow by one stroke with Knight and Leach 6 and 7 shots back respectively.
Tebow is approached by two scantly clad women who are charging towards him after he sinks his putt. Natuarally he is unable to handle the blitz and is tackled by the women who begin disrobing and attempt to have their way with him. He is able to fend them off before they touch his no-no spot.
Daly: Whats the matter with you I haven't seen women like that since Cancun in 91. Don't you like women? Are you a fag?
Tebow: I love all creatures Mr. Daly, but the Lord does not condone such behavior.
Tebow can be seen kneeling in prayer as Daly, Knight, and Leach attempt to talk to the women. Daly is disgusted that the women are taken away by course officals. He proposes a another bet with Coach Knight.
Daly (now working on a buzz): Coach, you have been driving the ball like a senior citizen all day. I bet I can outdrive you off this beer can.
Knight: I got your tab covered up to $200 John.
Leach: Shit that is not going to be enough to cover his acoholic ass.
Bartender: What will you have?
Daly(Pretty Drunk): I'll have a fifth of Jack.
Leach: Hot Toddy
Knight: Miller
30 minutes passes by and Tebow has turned in his scored card recording a 71 (-1) proving he is indeed infalliable. Tebow claims victory and heads to the clubhouse for some southern cooking.
Leach: Timmy your back soon, decided to hang em up?
Tebow: No I finished my round and broke par
Leach: Fuck me. How long we been drinking?
Knight: It can't be more 30 mins I guess you really are superman.
Daly: What will you have Timmy?
Tebow: Arnold Palmer, please
Daly orders another having used his credit with Knight at this point. He buys drinks for the boys and two of his signature John Daly's (Vodka, Ice Tea, Lemonade and Rohypnol) for two women at the bar.
Daly approachs the Women and calls for a ride.
10 minutes pass. Daly is trying to close on his girl that is enjoying her drink. Meanwhile is having trouble with his girl. Suddenly Timmy colaspes when talking to Coach Knight.
Leach( 3:50 minute mark): Looking at the Woman says Fuck You, turns to Tebow and Says Fuck Me, and Fuck Everybody.
Bartender: Mr. Daly your ride is here.
Knight: We better grab Timmy and get to a hospital.
Daly: That won't be neccesary I think the bartender slipped something in the wrong drink
Knight: What the fuck are you talking about?
Daly: Roofied, it was meant for the other girl
Knight: You stupid fuck, well what do we do now?
Daly: Let's go to Mons Venus.
Leach: I got first lap dances.
Leach grabs Tebow and they load him into the town car and are driven to the World Famous Mons Venus.
The girls are all over a barely audible Tebow as soon he arrives like moths to a flame. Smitten with the attention the group takes advantage of the girls attention to get some of their services. As soon as they get what they need they instruct the girls to attack Tebow. Suddenly Tebow touches his first breast unknowingly in a night of firsts for him. When he comes to in the morning the group explains what happened last night.
Tebow: All that stuff is for my image guys, I get more pussy than Tiger Woods.
Today is an exciting day at notasgoodasyouthink. We landed our first interview today from famous ESPN announcer, Pam Ward. The opportunity was available for us to do an in person interview but we opted to do a phone interview for obvious reasons.
KG: Thank you for taking a few minutes from your busy schedule to answer some questions.
PW: Oh its really no big deal. I live with 6 cats its just nice to have some human contact even if its over the phone. You sure I can't drive to do the interview in person? Where do you live?
KG: NO. NO. This is for the best. Besides it sounds like your voice is a little hoarse. Are you sick?
PW: No I feel 100%.
KG: O...ok. Well let's just start the questions. How did you manage to get a play by play job at ESPN?
PW: Well I started out as a sideline reporter but was soon told I might be better suited for play by play and radio. These Erin Andrews types are ruining TV. I mean what does she have that I don't? silence........ PW: Anyways I am better as a play by play announcer.
KG: Yesss. You previously partnered with Andre Ware on ESPN 2's Noon Big Ten Game. Many people were disappointed when you two were split up. What were your feelings with ESPN's decision to pair you with Ray Bentley instead?
PW: Andre and I were the best broadcast team in the business. We were a dynamic duo on the air but Andre blocked my phone number in the offseason. I decided to send him a Christmas card anyways in which I encouraged him to make a comeback at pro football. His biggest issue in the pros was playing under center so I offered to help him out. I also told him I would make an excellent wide receiver. I sent him the same nude photo as everyone else but for some reason he didn't respond. Ray Ray was also a tremendous partner as well but just my luck he decided to go sailing across the world in the offseason. He said he sent me a message in a bottle and that I should keep my eye out for it. The beaches are cold in the winter but I make sure to look everyday.
KG: Who can expect you to work with in the future?
PW: I applied for a job as a production assistant for the MLB Network to keep me busy in the offseason. I have always wanted to work with Peter Gammons because I respect him so much. Harold Reynolds works there as well and I hear he is quite friendly.
KG: Why not work with ESPN on Baseball Tonight?
PW: Well I had a potential contact on the show that was going to recommend me but unfortunately he was fired for having a sex addiction. Having heard this I'm very unhappy I never got a chance to meet him, and now hes in rehab. Story of my life.
