Eagles Sign New Player

In the aftermath of David Akers missing two critical field goals yesterday the Eagles have decided to sign a new kicker, Tony Danza.

I brought this up yesterday during the game and one person actually knew what I was talking about.  We wikipedia'd the movie and I have to share the description with you.  The ridiculous title matches the ridiculous plot.

"Barney Gorman (Tony Danza) works hard as a garbageman, but his career indirectly embarrasses his family. All the Philadelphia Eagles' coach wants to do is impress the football fans in Philadelphia, but having a team that lacks success makes that hard for them. But one day, when Barney and his friend are picking up garbage, Barney takes out his frustration and kicks a water jug at the city dump, which also happens to be a scouting location for the Eagles to buy land in order to build a new stadium, and the owner is present. The jug goes so far, that the Eagles' coach sees and asks Barney to be their new kicker, which the owner feels is an excellent publicity stunt in "giving an average Joe a shot at the NFL".

Barney joins the Eagles, but at first isn't really accepted by his teammates, especially his roommate, Bubba. But once Barney starts playing and makes a lot of game winning field goals, his teammates and football fans all over town begin to love him. They even dub him a nickname, "G-Man".

Unfortunately, the fame and popularity goes to his head, and he becomes spoiled and selfish. He begins to think that his teammates are his lackeys, and that they should all worship the ground he walks on. After all this, Barney misses a game-winning field goal attempt and a chance to make it to the playoffs.
Barney goes to a bar, depressed and lonely, when an attractive blonde woman approaches him. She asks him if he is Barney Gorman and if she could take a picture with him. She takes him to the photographer, but is caught off guard when the woman kisses him. She says thanks while giving him an alluring smile as she walks away.

About two days later, Barney is still depressed over the loss and gets kicked off the team. He then misses a date with his wife (Jessica Tuck), and she sees the picture of him kissing the blonde woman in the newspaper. When Barney tries to go home later, he sees that his suitcase is packed with the newspaper photo of him kissing the blonde woman outside the front door.

After a while, Barney comes to his senses and goes home to apologize to his wife, son, father, and his teammates. The Eagles let him back on the team, just in time for the final game of the season. At the end of the game, the ball placeholder fumbles the ball, and Barney grabs it and scores the game winning touchdown. Barney then remembers his roots as a garbageman, and at a press conference points out that garbagemen are deserving of respect as they work hard to keep the city clean."

NFL Announces Rule Changes

From NAGAYT wire reports

The NFL has announced they will bar any tackling from future NFL games.  Instead the NFL has decided to use "two hand touch" in future games effective immediately.  The NFL cited recent studies on the effects of concussions as the reason for making the change.  NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell commented on the new rule.  "This move will allow us to protect are players and ensure they have lives after football"  No longer will we have a bunch of whiny old players complaining about their health and demanding medical care after they are done football.  We think the change solves lingering issues and will allow us to improve the product for our fans going forward."  The NFL has instructed the referees to make sure the "two hand touches" are firm but not rough.  "Rough touch is not going to be allowed.  There is no reason to knock a player down in two hand touch, any player who tackles or rough touches a player will be penalized 15 yards and be subject to suspension." League officials were split over whether or not to allow one hand touch but ultimately went to two.

Fans were split over the new changes to the NFL. 

Tom Perki, 32 said "The NFL has become so soft that Soccer is a rougher sport.  If that's not a sign of the end of the world I don't know what is." 

Jen Soccermom, 35 said "I had never allowed my kids to play football because they are made of glass.  I'm happy the NFL has finally come to their senses.  I will wait to see what Pop Warner decides to do but maybe I will let my son play football in the future.

College coaches weighed in on the issue as well.

Head Coach of Michigan, Rich Rodriguez was excited about the change and hoped the NCAA would follow suit. "I think its a great idea.  If we don't have to tackle anybody, maybe we can finally win some games. This or flag football and I think we can compete for the National Title today."

The NFL said it will review the possibility of going to a 32 game schedule starting next year.  "The players will be taking less hits so I say let's play two games a week.  18 game schedule be dammed, let's double profits."  The NFLPA released a statement saying they would be open to the possibility of an increased schedule if the money is right.

Charlie Weis Given 5 Year Extension

From NAGAYT Wire Reports

Charlie Weis has been given a 5 year contract extension after the Kansas City Chiefs started the season 2-0.  Weis was so excited about the extension he was able to stand up with the assistance of crutches.  "I came here with the goal in mind to fix the quarterback situation.  I believe it's pretty clear that I have done that while providing my team with a decided schematic advantage."   Matt Cassel is blowing up right now and Weis has clearly fixed the QB situation.  Cassel a QB rating of 55.8 and has yet to throw a touchdown pass. 

Many respected colleagues have credited Charlie Weis with making Tom Brady a star.  "As you can see Tom has been slipping a little lately.  He was the MVP in the NFL when I left him."

Columnists and talking heads are comparing the premature extension to the 10 yr extension he received at Notre Dame following the famous "Bush Push".  "Well first of all I'm certain USC cheated in the game, and USC has since vacated all wins from that season so that's one less loss I had at Notre Dame. Secondly, you saw how Kelly won the first game this year with my players.  Finally, when the Chiefs make the playoffs this year you will know who was the difference maker."

Weis is slated to make $2 million per season, but will be subjected to staying under 450 lbs.  He will be allowed to work in any motorized cart but will not receive guaranteed money.  The Chiefs have promised to honor the contract no matter how hard Weis is breathing as long as he is.

Goodbye Heisman

One Man... Goodbye Hello Heisman!.  By now you have heard that Reggie Bush has become the first man to give up his Heisman trophy.  He surrendered his Heisman trophy amid public pressure and before he could be stripped of the trophy.  Big deal.

Reggie Bush only needs to go through a few weeks of bad publicity and surrender his Heisman trophy.  Seems like he took alot more from USC, whom he handled satteled with sanctions and bowl bans.  USC may take a few years to recover from the penalties or may even find themselves falling deeper in the pit with Kiffin at the helm.  No matter where you stand on the NCAA paying its players, it's hard to side with Bush here.  He took over 300K from agents he promised to sign with, then didn't sign with them.  Bush was not a starving kid either, he just couldn't wait until his NFL payday.  He is scum and should be treated as such.  His situation is similar to Chris Webber, and I hope USC struggles at least half as hard as Michigan has after sanctions.  Don't worry though, Reggie is going to make things right.

Bush is going to work with the Trustees of the Heisman to establish an educational program in order to educate athletes and assist families to avoid the same mistakes he did.  Hey kids you can go to USC bang mad bitches, get paid, get sweet rides for free, and free Las Vegas hotel rooms.  It' no thang really and the best part is, nothing happens to you when your in the NFL.  Clearly, their needs to be more of a punishment for Bush, who knowingly broke the rules.  Personally, I'd love to see him end up in jail but I'd settle for a professional organization actually helping out an amateur one for once.  You certainly wouldn't expect David Stern to help college basketball, but perhaps heavy handed Goddell could suspend Bush for his actions.  Bottom line is that their is little the NCAA can do to a player they catch after he is a pro and yet it feels so wrong when the only thing they get is negatively publicity for a few weeks.