Volunteer Work

***MY HAND IS RAISED***

Why do we do it?  Who is it serving?  My skepticism of volunteer work started while in high school.  I attended a Catholic high school so community service and other such volunteer work was stressed heavily.  On the surface, volunteer work appears wholesome and innocent, but leave it to us at Not As Good As You Think to shed light on the truth of the matter.  In my experience, the driving force behind most volunteers is self-serving, and the practicality of most volunteer work is questionable.

While in high school, it was impressed upon me that it is important to give back to the community.  My personal understanding of volunteer work is that it should entail donating time and effort for the benefit of others in return for NOTHING.  As I entered into my upperclass high school years (college application time), I noticed this was not the case with the abundance of volunteer work going on.  First of all, community service was mandated by my learning institution.  Technically, my community service was not volunteer work as it was not voluntary.  Let's be honest, high school students do not give a crap about giving back to the community or curing any diseases, they want that "Accepted" letter from their reach school.  Those are the letters that come in the big envelopes, as opposed to the "Rejected" letters (which tell you to fuck off in the upmost fashion) which come in standard envelopes.  High school students volunteer so they can put their work on a college application.  College students volunteer so they can pad their resume.  Most people in the workforce volunteer so they can sell themselves or their company.  You know what, I am guilty as charged.

My problem with all this volunteer work is that most of it has nil effect on the cause promoted.  If you are volunteering with the hopes of promoting yourself to some extent, that is fine as long as what you are doing yields tangible benefits to someone besides yourself.  Two old ladies sitting in lawn chairs under a tree at a par 3 of some charity event handing out sleeves of balls to players that get on the green in regulation are not helping anyone.  I have a lot of ill will towards these "volunteers" from my caddying days.  I would be sweating my glands out on a hot day, arrive at a par 3 and commence with small talk with these middle-aged petitzers who would yammer about how hot it is outside.  Typically, these women were over-privileged stay-in-bed moms married to wealthy guys.  Simply donating your time and showing up is not enough.   Look at the picture below, how many of these people are simply there taking up space?

I admit I do volunteer work for self-advancement. However, the work I do yields tanible benefits to others. Fair enough.  Don't be a walky-talky at some event.  Make sure you are doing something practical.  Build something, fix something, raise money, or give your blood.  If your volunteer work does not entail one of the above, what would you say you do here?

Where the Big 4 Fail

If your not completely satisified, please let us know. This a pharse used often is business but rarely taken seriously when a customer has a complaint.  Well the Seattle Sounders got the doors blown off them this weekend when then lost 4-0 to the L.A. Galaxy.  The Sounders probably have the best fans in the Major League Soccer and even outdrew the Seattle Mariners in average attnedence last season.  The ownership group apperciates their support and decided the fans would be refunded for the match.  Great business decsion and something I doubt we'd see in any of the four major sports in this country (Hawks Playoff Guarantee not withstanding).  Can you imagine the Sixers doing this? I wonder what they did for those who ponied up there money when AI came back only to see him play in a handful of games.  The Sixers made more money off ticket sales the the day AI was signed than what AI's salary was. But I'm guessing customers who complained where given the card subject to change line. (It's not the Sixers fault he didn't play but they can do something for the fans when a player goes AWOL. It is there fault for hiring Eddie Jordan.)

Major League Soccer is still growning and the publicity of a positive customer service decision helps the league.  Its also a quality thing to do for your loyal customers who have provided sellout after sellout.

Earlier in the English Premier League season, Wigan Athletic players personally refunded their fans who traveled to an away game. Wigan were defeated 9-1 by Tottenham and the players were so embarrassed by there performance they contributed roughly 1,000 pounds a piece to refund the fans.  Aren't things so much nicer when the players and ownership care even a little bit about their customers.  It's nice to know that some people still remember who their customers are and who is ultimately responsible for their salary. I'm looking at you Daniel Snyder, how about throwing some cash back to your loyal fan base instead of watching it burn in free agency.

That's Your Mayor

Now that we're on the topic of ill-informed politicians when it comes to sports, I can't pass up this chance to take a little jab at that city in Massachusetts where pronouncing the letter "R" is optional, but obnoxious sports fandom is mandatory. The above video is from a ceremony in Boston to unveil a new Bobby Orr statue outside of TD Garden. The man speaking (and I use that term loosely, since he sounds like he has rubber cement in his mouth) is, remarkably, Mayor Thomas Menino. That's right, the Mayor of Boston managed to confuse Adam Vinatieri with Jason Varitek at the end of that little speech, which also included him labeling some of the city's great athletes and moments as "ionic" as opposed to "iconic." I guess he means that Boston athletes are so great, not only are their accomplishments celebrated for generations, but they are also able to form non-metal/metal compounds.

So apparently, it was Jason Varitek kicking the field goals that provided the winning margins in Super Bowls XXXVI, XXXVIII, and XXXIX. And I guess that means Adam Vinatieri is actually the switch-hitting catcher who sports a garish eyesore of a captain's "C" on his jersey. Could have fooled me. Although, in a certain respect, I can see how Mr. Menino can get the two of them confused these days. Considering how bad the Sawks have been at stopping base stealers, they might as well have Adam Vinatieri back there behind the plate. But alas, don't fret dear Chowderheads. This tidbit of embarrassment will be gone shortly, when something else becomes the story du jour, at which point we'll simply go back to disliking your city for the usual offenses, i.e. bestowing the Dropkick Murphys upon the world and being the reason that ESPN is 80% unwatchable on a good day.

Hope You Wave the White One

You know Daniel Snyder as a man willing to spend whatever it takes to have a successful Washington Redskins franchise. You laugh at him when he can't buy a championship and his team is usually last in the NFC East. After reading this story I think you will find even more schadenfreude when his team tanks.

Snyder helped run Six Flags into the ground after taking over in 2005. When Snyder became the primary shareholder Six Flags was trading at nearly $12 per share. Last week the share price was under 2 cents when Snyder was ousted as chairman by the board of directors. Running the business into the ground is one thing, but some of the business practices that Snyder employed lacked business ethics and a care for his customers.

Snyder hired his cronies such as CEO Mark Shapiro (former head ESPN responsible for shows such as Cold Pizza). Shapiro proceeded to falsely testify in order to line Snyder’s pockets. "In 2007, Snyder sent Mark Shapiro to lobby the Agawam mayor and the town council into banning visitors from parking at the non-Six Flags-owned lots. Shapiro testified at a public hearing that it was unsafe for pedestrians to walk to Six Flags from anywhere but its own lots. The local politicians banned the satellite lots after Shapiro's appearance."

This is bullshit of course. Snyder just wanted to force the customers to park in his lots and charge you and arm and a leg to park (as much as $30). Fortunately the ruling was later overturned.

Snyder promoted the Flash Pass at Six Flags park which grants VIP status to everyone who forked over a ticket premium as much as $112.  The Flash Pass enables customers to jump to the front of the line because they paid nearly double the price of admission.  This is essentially a way to make a day in the park at Six Flags more tolerbable and a way to say fuck you to people who paid full admission price.  For anyone whose been to theme parks you know the lines are the worst part of the experience.  Of course Six Flags is not the only theme park to implement this price gouging scam but Snyder loves ripping his customers off so much that he implemented Fast Lane Card to bypass security lines at Redskins FedEx Field.  $100 a season allows season ticket holders to bypass security lines. Synder also intends to capitalize an a fans desire to support his team at all costs.

Those not even yet on the aledgedly 200,000 plus waiting listing could jump to the front of the line if they had a few extra thousand dollars lying around to join a premium club.  One of the premium clubs, called the "touchdown club,"  allows for the purchase of lower level season tickets if you pump about $7,000 into the club.  This is similar to Personal Seat Liscenses that have been put in place across the country, but varies from donation programs applied in collegiate atheltics.  Money there goes directly to funding athletic programs including those bleeding the school in the red (insert Title IX jab here). Snyder is not alone though so its somewhat unfair to just pick on him but he is part of the problem. The money from the touchdown club may go to building a team but it also goes towards fattening Snyder's wallet.

Speaking on fattening, Snyder has come under fire for placing many the companies he owns in Six Flags, such as Johnny Rockets.  "So even as he ran a public company into the ground, Snyder managed to keep money flowing into his wallet via pacts with private business he controlled.  That makes Snyder a personal-interest savant, but not a business genius." (Slate article)  As you might guess majority shareholders are pissed off and are contesting that Snyder should be held accountable.

Snyder like many other businesses and businessmen forgot or don't care about customer service.  He is more concerned with driving profits in the short run that he fails to realize what could happen in the long run.  I'm willing to bet that some people stopped going to Six Flags all together when they were charged $30 for parking or that their price of admission still put them at a disadvantage for those who paid for the "Flash Pass".  The "skip the security line" should be criminal, even if the primary reason for the searches are to prevent people from bringing their own food and negative signs into the games.  Snyder can make his money capitalizing on the loyal Redskins fan base, but he won't be winning any awards for owner of the year.

Say Anyone

Needless to say Barack Obama is a fraud fan. I'm surprised no one asked him before. The commentator put the ball on the tee and Obama fanned.

Obama may try to hand the ball to the catcher next time or contact Benny the Jet Rodriguez. His throw to the catcher is barely better than Smalls throw from the outfield.

Bring in The Bobs

What would you say you do here?  Now THAT is a pointed question that needs to be asked more often.  The movie Office Space depicts two personnel consultants (The Bobs) that are brought in my Initech to weed out uneccessary cooks in the proverbial kitchen.  There are only two categories of people that belong in the workplace: 1. those who solve problems and 2. those who sell.  If you aren't doing one of the aforementioned, I have only one question...what would you say you do here? 

Working in the golf industry for many years has given me insight into the effect of dead weight personnel on an organization.  Take something as simple as simple as a charity golf outing.  I can't even count the number of these things that I have assisted in over the years.  I certainly cannot count the vast number of unnecessary volunteers and employees who breathed my air at these functions.  I call these people "walky talkies", because the are often frantically scurrying around with a clipboard and a walky talky accomplishing absolutely fucking nothing.  They show up in their freshly pressed pants, shiny shoes, and new shirt with the sponsoring logo all over it and they act like they are in mission control during the Apollo 13 crisis, when in fact all they are doing is making sure there are water bottles in the golf carts.  I will save my rant on volunteering for my next post.

The purpose of this post is to explore all the bitching going on about the lack of jobs out there.  Bullshit.  What do these people bring to the table?  Just because you have kids and your mommy told you that you're special when you were a kid does not entitle you to anything.  Get out there and grind.  Take what you can.  I know a CPA that shoveled snow for money this summer, AND is currently employed.  If you are under 45-50 years of age, get the image of the easy life out of your head.  Nobody wants to hear you bitch, and most likely nobody wants to hear ANYTHING from you period.  Like Kevin discussed in his recent post, you have to HUSTLE.  There is no magical tit of a job that you can suckle the golden milk from.  You are most likely replaceable, as discussed in Lou's post regarding why athletes are so highly paid.
Why do lawyers and doctors get paid well?  They solve problems.  People outsource their thinking to a trained professional for a fee, because people want their legal or medical problem solved.  People don't want to think, so they pay others to do it for them.  Why are athletes paid so handsomely?  They sell.  The recent economic squeeze is purging the American workforce of unnecessary positions.  Gone are the assistants of the assistants. Gone are the smiling faces of PR and the VP's of (insert bogus function).  My advice to the graduating class of 2010 is that you better be willing to take on a shitload of stress, be a pro athlete (good luck), or be extremely good looking (good luck again).   There is no hiding in the cracks anymore.   You better bring some value to the table. 

It's a League Game, Smokey

As we go further and further into the chasm of adulthood, many of us will try to find any way that we can to give ourselves a taste of being a kid. One of those ways to rekindle the good old days is signing up for recreational sports leagues, either an interoffice league at work or a weekend league with friends. When you get down to it, we're all there to try to recapture the time when our little league games where the highlights of the week, when being the guy who batted third or played shortstop was the most important thing in the world. Of course, nowadays it's just beer-league type stuff, a diversion from the routine, a few hours out of the week to scale back the hastiness of everyday life. And while above all else the name of the game (no matter what game you're playing) is having fun, that does not make it OK to blatantly suck and bear no regard for winning.

There's a few people like this on every team, whether it's softball, basketball, volleyball, you name it. They are there "just to have fun" and will remind everyone of that fact with a goofy smile and a shrug of the shoulders every time a botched play draws their teammates' glare. I'm sorry, but "just wanting to have fun" is not a blanket excuse for habitually poor play and/or disregard for fundamentals and strategy. You don't hear people say "wow, look at that, Joe out there has misplayed 3 fly balls this inning and somehow managed to strike out in slow pitch, but he's just here to have fun so it's OK." No, it's not OK. If you put the uniform on and step onto the field/court/rink, your job is to help your team. Fun is a by-product. You know what's fun? Playing well is fun. Winning is fun. Watching your team lose because a mongo wearing the same uniform as you forgot how many outs there were? That, my friends, is not fun.

I'm not saying to treat winning or losing like life or death, because that extreme is even worse than not caring. But just have a clue and take things somewhat seriously. If you fail to do that, you're wasting the time of others who actually care. You're probably the same guy who plays blackjack and doesn't hit a 14 when the dealer is showing a face card. Not to mention, playing on a company team can be politic city, so you can even be damaging your career. I think that's what grinds my gears the most about this matter - why do you sign up for something where you are, in essence, voluntarily embarrassing yourself in front of people whose opinions may matter? On the scale of office unpopularity, being that guy who everyone hopes isn't up to bat next or doesn't get the ball hit to him is only slightly better than being the smelly guy. That's right, the smelly guy. (this is where you nod your head and chuckle in agreement)

Bottom line? If it were just about fun we wouldn't keep score or standings. I'm not saying you have to be an A+ athlete to be on the field, because honestly if any of us were all that good we wouldn't be playing in a simple rec league. What I am saying is to know your limitations - I played intramural basketball in college and my only real value to the team was giving breathers to the guys who were actually good. So when it was a tight situation late in a game, I took myself out. If we lost, at least it wasn't going to be because I traveled. So if you are admittedly not that great a player (and being able to admit it is 90% of the battle), don't trot yourself out to left field in a tie game in the 7th inning, because the ball is going to find you, and odds are, you are not going to catch it.

Go Ahead and Tase Him, Bro

Did he deserve it, or was it excessive force? That's been the big question for the past 24 hours or so, with the explosion of the story of a kid running onto the field at Citizens Bank Park during Monday night's Phillies/Cardinals game and proceeding to be given a torso full of taser by the cops. Media outlets of all shapes, sizes, locations, affiliations, and genres have since run with this issue in one way or another. Naturally, it is our obligation to weigh in while this story is apparently such a hot-button issue (or at least before the news cycle renders it an afterthought, likely by week's end).

The jackass deserved it. I don't want to hear crying from him, from his friends, his mom, the ACLU, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, or whoever the hell else has an opinion. I don't want to hear it. It is made abundantly clear from the time you're about 4 years old that you don't belong out on the field during a game, and if you're stupid enough to run out there, then you have it coming to you. Above all else, there is a practical issue here, a matter of safety. Players, coaches, and officials stand out on the field in front of thousands of (possibly inebriated) spectators. To say they're somewhat exposed and/or vulnerable is not a stretch. Don't believe me? In recent years there have been not one, but two incidents of fans leaving the stands and attacking on-field participants, not to mention the famous Rick Monday incident in 1976. I don't care if everyone says this 17-year-old douche in Philly last night was just a harmless class clown. I'm sure that's all he is. But there's no way of knowing that when he comes charging out of his seat and darting around the outfield, resisting the apprehension of the cops.

There's more to it than the "protect the players, coaches, and umps from lunatics" angle. What gets me so riled up when someone pulls a such a stunt is that they refuse to understand it's not about them. There were nearly 45,000 people in the stadium that night, and they paid to see a game between arguably the two best teams in the National League, not to see a skinny kid with a gigantic nose run around. Sure, we all laugh and cheer if we're at a game and an idiot runs onto the field, but at least with me I get enjoyment out of seeing the guy get caught. Just like the "Don't tase me, bro!" moron that gained national fame a few years ago, anyone who runs out onto the field like that is trying to make themselves the spectacle instead of just minding their business and being a spectator. You want to be a spectacle? Then make a nice catch of a foul ball, or something, anything else that doesn't interfere with the game.

So, until next time, don't cry police brutality on this one. It's not like this guy was an innocent bystander that got the voltage from some asshole cop on a power trip, nor did they keep tasing the kid until his heart stopped. Once he was down, that was the end of it. He made the decision to run out onto the field, so let the consequences be what they may.

Tough Guy Mentality

Enough with the tough guy routine.  We get it, you're tough and bad ass and so on. I am particularly fed up with this mentality in hockey.  Back in the day, helmets were not required.  Let's be honest, the checking that went on in during the 1970's and prior was nearly as violent as it is today. Nonetheless, a Bobby Hull slapshot could do a number on anyone in any era.  But I don't understand this mentality in sports (hockey in particular) to constantly prove how tough one is by being underequipped. 

For example, hockey players not wearing visors.  What an awful idea.  A professional athletes job is to help his team win.  That is their aim, at least it should be.  Why not wear a visor?  It does not take away the athlete's ability to help his team outscore the opponent in 60 minutes or beyond.  What good is the athlete when they are injured and not cleared to participate?  I have always wondered this, and the recent Ian Lapierre incident has set me off on the matter. 

It takes tremendous courage to step onto the ice in an NHL playoff game.  However, even more courage is required to lay out in front of a professional slapshot. Why not wear a facemask though?  The object of hockey is not to prove how tough you are, it's about winning games.  Brain contusions don't win Stanley Cups.  Laperriere's injury is only the most recent in a long line of unnecessary injuries.  Imagine NASCAR drivers not wearing seatbelts, or baseball players not using gloves.  It's a good thing the NHL mandated visors for all incoming players a few years back.  If I'm the owner of a team, my players are investments, and they damn well better be wearing a visor.  Cut the macho crap and play the game.  No one thinks any less of a player for wearing a visor.  The game is more violent and dangerous than ever, but it is also faster and more interesting to watch (if you give it chance at playoff time).  If you're interested in seeing guys get cut up and bruised then watch ultimate fighting.  I watch hockey to see athleticism, skill, and action.  Seeing some guy with a gaping head wound is not my cup of tea. 

Ian Laperriere is a  tough hockey player.  Unfortunately, he is now a spectator for the duration of the Flyers playoff run.  Is that worth not wearing a visor?

I Like A Da YouTubes, Volume II

As promised, we are back with a few YouTube gems submitted for your approval.


This first one is watchable on many levels. Come for the comedy of bad draft picks, stay for Mel Kiper's hair and the fan reactions.


Our second video needs little introduction. It's The Big Lebowski in 30 seconds:

(Side note - there are a ton of hilarious "Movies in 5 Seconds" on YouTube, where they show you pretty much all you need to see to get what the movie is about. Do yourself a favor and watch Titanic in 5 seconds if you need any further illustration).

I leave you today with a bit of Brian Regan, aka the comedian whose stuff you need to get into. Dane Cook couldn't shine this guy's shoes.