Cinq Pour Samedi

A flurry of great-looking games are in store this week as conference play hits full swing. The only bad thing about the NCAA streak I've been on is that I never had actual money on any of these games. Will the run continue? Only one way to find out. Home teams in CAPS.

Texas (+3.5) over Oklahoma (Neutral Site)
The Red River Rivalry never fails to be intriguing, and this year we're all wondering which two teams are going to show up in Dallas on Saturday. Texas was caught napping at home last week by UCLA, while Oklahoma beat Cincinnati and Air Force by a combined 5 points in the past two weeks. I really wonder what the line would have been if the Longhorns didn't fall into the trap against UCLA, because the 3.5 on a neutral field seems like a public overreaction to that game. Come for the classic uniforms, stay for the great quarterback names - Garrett Gilbert and Landry Jones. Smells like October to me.

ALABAMA (-8) over Florida
The Tide was in a real tough spot last week at Arkansas but escaped 24-20. I was kind of surprised to see a line this high but the gut says to go with Alabama at home in a game that is equally big for both teams. The under is a good play here as Bama is likely to give the Gators a hefty dose of Mark Ingram and Trent Richardson to keep the clock churning and the game under control. Despite the downfield ability of Julio Jones, I don't like Alabama in a touchdown-trading game if it gets to that point. The Crimson Tide defense, as has been its knack, should be able to create a turnover or two and cover this thing 24-13ish.

MICHIGAN STATE (+2) over Wisconsin
As most of you have probably heard, Spartans coach Mark Dantonio will return and coach this game from the booth, two weeks after the mild heart attack he suffered following the win over Notre Dame. This is Wisconsin's first game this year where they are not a huge favorite, and the Badgers could have their hands full if Michigan State comes out swinging like they are expected to. If you're one for cliché and traditionalism, then expect a close, old fashioned Big Ten brawl.

Stanford (+7) over OREGON
My popcorn is ready for good old fashioned shootout in this one. Neither team has scored fewer than 35 points thus far in going a combined 8-0. I said last week that I wasn't ready to buy Stanford, and I should have been. This game has the feel of a "last team to have the ball wins" matchup, one where it sometimes looks like the field is 75 yards wide and there's only 9 guys on defense. I'll take the team with the better pure passer.

IOWA (-7) over Penn State
My anti-Penn State bias is pretty well pronounced, but how is this line only 7 points? Did the oddsmakers not see the Nittany Lions play 3 quarters shadow-boxing with Temple and Kent State at home the past two weeks? It maybe because Iowa is considered a ground-and-pound team, but Ricky Stanzi is quietly averaging 250 passing yards a game and we've already seen what Penn State does against quality competition, especially in prime time.

Last Week: 4-1-0
Season: 14-4-2

Celebrity Revenge

We have all seen the show TMZ. It involves a bunch of smug loser reporters going around and hassling big time celebrities.  It's essentially a live-action tabloid.  These insignificant dickweeds with no careers try to bait stars into doing or saying something stupid.  Give me a break.  Meanwhile, all the holier-than-thou viewers sit at home and talk about how they cant believe the particular celebrity victim reacts poorly to punches below the belt.  Typically, these TMZ people seek out celebrities as they are trying to go about their daily business such as shopping, arriving at an airport, going out to eat, etc.  America loves it's heroes...it also loves to see them in an ugly light whenever possible.  Granted, if an unlikable character like Lindsay Lohan gets a DWI I want that splashed all over the news.  However,  leave people with talent alone.  I don't care what sort of person my favorite actors and athletes are.  Just produce a quality product and I'll love you forever.  Despite what many people think, these stars DO NOT want to be your friend.  They WILL NOT be joining you at the Sizzler for some grub.   So don't begrudge a star if you heard he's cold to fans.  Furthermore, do not try to turn a nice guy into an asshole by hassling him at the supermarket and asking smartass questions.  Is it fair that all us regular folk get to have our privacy?

Imagine if the roles were reversed.  Take the average American family.  Mom and Dad may go to work, the kids go to school and so on.  This particular family lives life quietly...so it seems.  Privacy is a luxury that is taken for granted.  I propose a show that flips the role of celebrity and common cheesedick.  My idea is to have a show that has celebrities hassling regular people.  Imagine a show in which celebrities tortured common people.  I think the concept would work best with comedic stars since they are more likely to be smug.   Basically, these stars target totally random common folk and exploit them.  They follow them around randomly, egging them on with stupid questions and picture taking.  The show could also have a sister publication that spreads rumors about randomly selected common people targeted for celebrity treatment.  Those selected will be subjected to constant embarassing headlines, loss of privacy, and lots of general harassment. 

Hey, it will never happen.  But its a funny thought.  My other idea is to have the cast of 300 go around kicking the living shit out of TMZ members.

The Trite Utterances of Subpar Sports "Fans," Revisited

By now you know about Braylon Edwards' DWI this past Monday night, in which he blew a .16 BAC. Nearly as bad as the act itself is the common man's reaction where he moans and groans about "oh, he gets to play on Sunday but I'd be fired if it happened at my job," or "who are my kids supposed to look up to?" Let's make it clear. There is no comparing your job to that of a professional athlete. None. They are in two different universes so let's keep them there. We've covered this before so no need to dive back in.

What annoys me is the whole "role model" thing, and don't worry, I'm not going to go Charles Barkley on you. I have a slightly different spin on the matter. If you ask "who are the kids supposed to look up to?" the obvious answer is their parents, but let's keep that aside for the moment. As kids, we all looked up to rock stars, actors, athletes, etc. in addition to our parents - you can't not want to be like the famous people you root for and see on TV or in movies. So let it be a given that kids are going to look up to other people in addition to their family.

The American without perspective says he can't in good conscience have his kids look up to pro athletes because of people like Braylon Edwards. And that's not incorrect, but I offer this counterpoint. What walk of life, what certain occupation, is totally clean of unsavory people? Police? Um, next. How about doctors and/or nurses? Maybe not. Elected politicians and statesmen? You already know where that one's going. How about the seemingly highest of all callings, the priesthood? Not exactly.

So are pro sports really that especially bad? Every certain sample of people is going to have its share of good and bad, a proportionate number of saints and dirtbags. If you say that you can't let 8 year old Timmy root for the Jets anymore since Braylon Edwards got a DWI, and you wonder who he can ever look up to, then by your logic, there is no one to look up to. And please don't say it's a pro athlete's responsibility to be a role model because of all the exposure and money. If anything, the Braylon Edwards fiasco this week provided an opportunity for parents to talk to their kids about how stupid he was to get behind the wheel, and discuss the hundreds of better ways to have handled the situation. Am I wrong?

5 for Sunday

To borrow some baseball speak, Joe Torre used to say that Game 3 was always the most important game of a playoff series - it either swings the momentum of an even 1-1 series, brings the outcome back into question if it goes from 2-0 to 2-1, or pretty much solidifies things if it ends up making it a 3-0 series either way. Week 3 of the NFL season is quite similar. A 2-0 team can start thinking about big things if it gets to 3-0 or can start doubting itself if it goes to 2-1. A 1-1 team gets a much better idea of who it is, and an 0-2 team either starts to breathe life back into its season or digs itself firmly into its division basement. As always, home teams in CAPS and all spreads provided by covers.com.

BALTIMORE (-10.5) over Cleveland
Even with the Ravens' lackluster 1-1 start to the season, how could you possibly put money on Cleveland? It really says something about your franchise when your starting QB (Jake Delhomme) is ruled out and the line actually moves 1/2 point in your favor - this happened last week when the Browns went from a 2-point favorite to 2.5-point favorite after Seneca Wallace was named the starter vs. the Chiefs (of course, they lost outright). Joe Flacco, Ray Rice, et al should have a stat-padding afternoon, and I'd be surprised to see Cleveland even crack double digit points here.

Tennessee (+3) over NY GIANTS
The Giants are one of those 1-1 teams who will find out a great deal about themselves in Week 3. Are they the team who shadow boxed with god-awful Carolina for 3 quarters before turning the switch on, or are they the team that got its doors blown off by Indy last week? The Giants offensive line, for years its unquestioned strength, is looking old and slow, and the Titans boast one of the league's best pass defenses. Sure, Tennessee has quarterback issues of its own, but they should only come into play if the Giants stop Chris Johnson like Pittsburgh did last week, which is asking a whole lot.

Detroit (+11.5) over MINNESOTA
Give the Lions some credit - they have fight in them. The touchdown-that-was-but-then-wasn't in Week 1 robbed them of a thrilling victory in Chicago, and they led a ferocious comeback in the fourth quarter against the Eagles last week before running out of bullets. Brett Favre looked about 55 years old last week in turning the ball over four times, all seemingly right near one of the goal lines. Add that to the fact that Favre's top target in this game may be Greg Camarillo, and you have what looks to be a pretty low-scoring affair. Give me 11.5 points all day.

Oakland (+4.5) over ARIZONA
The Cardinals shouldn't be more than a 3-point favorite to anybody right now. Not to mention, the Raiders are once again riding the Bruce Gradkowski train that took them to a respectable 2-2 record with him under center last year. If Nnamdi Asomugha can neutralize Larry Fitzgerald, please tell me where Arizona has any real edge in this game, especially with Beanie Wells still out. If the Raiders make me look like an idiot by laying an egg here, I vow not to take them again until their annual late-season victory over Denver.

MIAMI (-2.5) over NY Jets
I think the Dolphins enjoy the anonymity they have in their own division. The Jets are the headline-hogging motormouths, the Patriots will command a ton of attention as long as Brady and Belichick are still in town, and the Bills are so flat-out bad that you can't not marvel at them. Meanwhile, the Fish are a sneaky 2-0 and have the classic look of a team rebuilt by Bill Parcells. The impressive rapport growing between Jets QB Mark Sanchez and TE Dustin Keller is enough to make you think "hmm, maybe these guys can move the ball a little bit after all," but in a game like this, give me the less mistake-prone team at home. (see - I didn't mention Braylon Edwards! Don't worry, that's on its way.)

Last Week: 3-2-0
Season: 5-5-0

Cinq Pour Samedi

A few tasteful games on tap this week, or at least, considerably better than last week. Alabama visits Arkansas in Saturday afternoon's biggest game, with the West Virginia Mountaineers' first trip to Baton Rouge being the highlight of the night games. In my silent protest of Andy Reid doing his best John Kerry flip-flop impression and naming Michael Vick the Eagles' starting QB, I'm going with nothing but dogs this week.

NOTRE DAME (+4.5) over Stanford
Even though I rode them to a comfortable win a few weeks ago over UCLA, I'm still not totally ready to buy Stanford. Not that I have the utmost confidence in Notre Dame either, but they do have the quick-strike ability on offense that will keep them in every game they play and are two or three plays away from being 3-0. Even though Stanford is probably the better team, I'm not crazy about laying more than a field goal in South Bend with a sophomore QB and re-tooled offense.

ARKANSAS (+7) over Alabama
My first thought was to go with Alabama until they give you a reason not to, but you have to give the Razorbacks a puncher's chance at home. This could be the national breakout for Ryan Mallett if Arkansas can put a scare into the Tide in the 3:30 feature game. It sounds cliché, but if Arkansas can control the game's pace and provide a respectable defensive effort against the Alabama running game, we could have an interesting one until the end.

West Virginia (+9.5) over LSU
The money has been pouring in on LSU this week (the Tigers opened as a 7-point favorite) with conceivable reason. West Virginia faces a tall task in Death Valley, and simply getting the ball to Noel Devine in space won't be enough. However, these isn't the LSU of JaMarcus Russell-Jacob Hester-Glenn Dorsey anymore, and the Mountaineer offense may just be multi-faceted enough for the first time in 3 years to keep it within single digits. Keeping my fingers crossed that WVU cornerback Brandon Hogan gets the nod to play from Bill Stewart after his day at the Braylon Edwards Driving School last week.

Oregon State (+17.5) over BOISE STATE
Echoing Kevin's sentiment about the Boise hype, I'm pulling for Oregon State here. I also think this line is 4-5 points too high so my decision is easy. This is Boise's last game against a real opponent before it goes back to facing the likes of Louisiana Tech and Idaho, and Oregon State has an alarming recent history of knocking off Top-3 opponents, so something's gotta give. Bonus points to the Beavers for painting their practice field blue this week to mimic Boise State's turf. And of course, any writeup on Oregon State would be incomplete without saying it.....Jacquizz Rodgers!

ARIZONA STATE (+11.5) over Oregon
The Ducks are 3-0 ATS this year and have covered some big numbers along the way. Of course you can also say this is the first time they're playing a team that's worth a damn, but we'll find that out late Saturday night. The Sun Devils gave Wisconsin all they could handle last week, and former Michigan QB Steven Threet looks now to be in an offense that compliments his abilities. Oregon is going to have to watch its step here in Tempe if it is to remain on the fringe of the title conversation. I think the Ducks win ugly.

Last Week: 3-1-1
Season: 10-3-2

Impostors!

Could this kid pass as Ochocinco?

They are so many ways to rob and scam people.  When you think you have heard all the schemes, think again.  Try falsifying yourselfs as a fake national team to earn an upfront payday.  This is what happened in African soccer.  A former Togo national team coach approached the Bahrain Football Association with the idea to play an international friendly (exhibition game) in Bahrain.  Bahrain agreed to pay an undiclosed up front fee to the Togo national team to play.  The former Togo coach who was previosuly banned for pulling simialr hijinx in the past falsified documents from the Togo Fedreation to give the go ahead.  He provided the real Togo National teams passports and infromation and submitted an official roster.  The real team stayed home a bunch of impostors took the field minutes before the match at which point the entire roster was changed. Natuarly the impostors lost 3-0.

The Togo Federation was shocked to find that the event took place because they never autorized the event and were disapointed to see their country lose 3-0.  They have just figured out that former national team coach Bana Tchanile organized, prepared, and followed up on all proceedings that took place on Septemeber 7th.  He has been suspended four years.  No word yet on where all that money went.  I'd be suprised if he acted alone on all this.  I know little about Africa but I doubt they could be dupped so badly. When not one player was recognized on Togo doesn't that mean something is up.

This takes replacement players to a whole new level.  Can you imagine how prevalent scams like this were before television when you had no real clue who people actually were?  Imagine if an NFL team disguised under their helments played a game in Europe with a college team or an Arena League team.  Do you think they would notice? Would they care?

5 for Saturday

Still hanging on to an early lead at 10-4-1 on the season.  The first game is Thursday night.

Miami @ Pittsburgh (+3.5)  Thurs. 7:30 ESPN

I know I've said in the pass bet against Wanstauche but I'll take em here at home.

Alabama @ Arkansas (+7)  3:30 CBS

Chances are this is a much stiffer test for Bama then the preseason game of the year against Florida.  Part of me thinks Arkansas can win part of me see Bama but two touchdowns.  I find myself rooting for Mallet even though I shouldn't.  I'll root for an upset before Bama's tilt with Florida so I can get a cheaper ticket.

South Carolina (+2.5) @ Auburn 7:45 ESPN

I think this game has low scoring written all over it.  It should be your game of the week because the winner will keep hope alive for a divisional crown.  It will be a hard hitting defensive struggle and whichever QB crumbles the least will win the game.

Oregon State (+16.5) @ Boise State  8 PM ABC

You probably shouldn't be bothering with this game but its on ABC so some will be fooled.  I going against Boise St. because the hype must die.  This shouldn't be a classic football game and Boise St. should be able to score at will.

West Virginia @ LSU (-6.5) 9:15 ESPN 2

One of our readers will be attending the game and reporting back to us about the atmosphere in death valley.  You should watch this game over Boise St. and its close to the South Carolina game.  Flip it over here when that is done because Ron "I still buried on ESPN" Franklin is calling the game and he is a treat to listen to.  You never really know what you are going to get out of West Virginia these days but this game should be entertaining.

You Can't Do It Yourself

E-Trade, Scottrade, Ameritrade, Turbo Tax, WebMD, InsureMe.com, Cars.com, How-to books, home hair color, do-it-yourself haircut kits, and the list goes on. These days there are resources available to empower people to do things that should require the assistance of a professional. Yes, times are tough and people are trying to cut costs. However, just because you diagnosed your rectal warts by checking out WebMD doesn't mean you can start wearing a white coat and start telling your real doctor their business. It's no
secret that 4 of 5 human beings are complete morons. No offense, but it's true. What is scary is that 5 of 5 given people think they are competent to be their own doctor, financial advisor, accountant, contractor, car expert, personal trainer, and hair stylist. What a joy it must be to be so gifted with so many talents.

Online trading:
It's a good thing. It allows people to take managing their portfolios into their own hands. The site comes equipped with various tools to track the market or a particular company with ease. However, purchasing individual stocks is gambling, I don care what you read in the Wall Street Journal or what your brother-in-law says about a company. Sites like E-Trade try to
demonize brokers and financial professionals as greedy dunces. Granted, this is sometimes reality. However not every doctor out there is a saint, just like any profession. We live in a buyer beware world, so it's important people do their homework, but at the same time realize they are not the professor.

WebMD:
This site is great for diagnosing your poison ivy or finding out why it burns when you piss. However, your doctor is your doctor, give the poor bastard some credit. I realize money is tight, think of how much tighter it is when you overlook something serious. I can't stand armchair doctors. Don't tell me what the eleven o'clock news says is killing me.

Turbo Tax:
Unless you majored in accounting at uni, do not attempt to do your own taxes. I dabbled myself in Turbo Tax this past year and it worked out ok...as far as I know. It's a complex undertaking, alot of ins and alot of outs. Leave this work to a professional. They are better equipped to help you help yourself.

Do-it-yourself handymen:
These are the guys who wear alot of Carhart gear, tailgate you in their monstrous Ford F-350, and maintain a garage the way the Rainman manages his baseball cards. Alot of guys are passionate about spending hours upon hours on these arduous projects involving power tools, trucks and breathing masks. I like spending hours upon hours drinking beer, watching sports, and doing other non-labor activities. Am I crazy?

Personal Trainers:
We all know delusional out of shape gym goers that think they are the almighty Oracle of working out. They have all the nutrition advice you need, tell you your business at the gym. To these people I say go find out what Men's Health says about fucking yourself.

The point is, find a professional you trust and stick to them. Don't live in your fortress of distrust and excessive self reliance. Let your walls down and allow yourself to be helped. Our society has become very introverted and anti-outsider. After the most recent economic crash, various medical malpractice cases, and other cases of professionals being disgraced, it's easy to see why people are skeptical. However, I wonder how many people who lost half their retirement savings in 2008 consulted with their advisor (if they have one) within 2 years of the slide. How many people have not seen a doctor in the past year or two? Or how about taking your car in for a tune up? People need to get over themselves and accept help.

Charlie Weis Given 5 Year Extension

From NAGAYT Wire Reports

Charlie Weis has been given a 5 year contract extension after the Kansas City Chiefs started the season 2-0.  Weis was so excited about the extension he was able to stand up with the assistance of crutches.  "I came here with the goal in mind to fix the quarterback situation.  I believe it's pretty clear that I have done that while providing my team with a decided schematic advantage."   Matt Cassel is blowing up right now and Weis has clearly fixed the QB situation.  Cassel a QB rating of 55.8 and has yet to throw a touchdown pass. 

Many respected colleagues have credited Charlie Weis with making Tom Brady a star.  "As you can see Tom has been slipping a little lately.  He was the MVP in the NFL when I left him."

Columnists and talking heads are comparing the premature extension to the 10 yr extension he received at Notre Dame following the famous "Bush Push".  "Well first of all I'm certain USC cheated in the game, and USC has since vacated all wins from that season so that's one less loss I had at Notre Dame. Secondly, you saw how Kelly won the first game this year with my players.  Finally, when the Chiefs make the playoffs this year you will know who was the difference maker."

Weis is slated to make $2 million per season, but will be subjected to staying under 450 lbs.  He will be allowed to work in any motorized cart but will not receive guaranteed money.  The Chiefs have promised to honor the contract no matter how hard Weis is breathing as long as he is.

Movies It's OK to Cry At

Some of you may be a bit weary of reading posts about football and gambling, so allow me to offer a slight change of pace. Here at the blog we try to be as real as possible, so none of us would have trouble admitting that, yes, there are a few movies out there that produce tears on a consistent basis. The following are a few such movies off the top of my head, and, amazingly, not all of them are sports movies.

Forrest Gump
The end is what gets me, when Forrest is standing and talking to Jenny's gravestone. It's not so much about Jenny passing away that's so sad; it's more that Forrest lived his whole life devoted to Jenny, despite the fact that she was a slutty cokehead who paid him no mind except for when she needed him for something. Then, when everything had fallen into place and Forrest finally had the life he'd wanted with her, she was gone. The breaking point is the emotion in Forrest's voice (one of a select few times he shows any real emotion in the movie) as he talks about how he's raising their son and how smart little Forrest is. It's something about how the love that Forrest had for Jenny for so many years had now been directed toward their son that just makes you really happy - in a sad way. (Couldn't find the specific scene on Youtube, sorry.)

Rudy
You knew this would be on here, but doesn't make it any less worthy. The plight of the undersized football player obviously resonates with me more than many other people, but you don't have to be a sports fan for this story to grip you. The final scene, built up by the background score and the growing "Rudy, Rudy" chant, delivers a haymaker of emotion at its apex when Rudy is put into the game, despite the fact that everyone watching the movie knows what's coming. The nicest touch of the ending is the shots of all of the family and friends who have been a part of Rudy's quest, all getting to witness the moment. Bonus points for it being a true story.

E.T.
This movie probably scared the hell out of our generation as children (my hand is certainly raised), between the first encounters of E.T. and Elliot in the woods, the ghastly white and dying E.T. toward the end, and who could forget the government taking over Elliot's family's home and turning it into an alien medical center. But even a child can grip the power of the story. You get softened up by the lovable kid-like nature of E.T., you're downright disturbed when E.T. is being given the defibrillator, and your heart is warmed during the climactic government agent chase scene. That's what sets you up on a tee to absolutely lose it when E.T. and Elliot have to say their goodbyes outside the spaceship. Elliot is an outcast with a slightly shaken-up family situation, his only friend in the universe is a 3 foot tall alien, and yet the ultimate outcome of the movie is to find a way to send that friend back home a million miles away. John Williams' score deserves just as much credit as Steven Spielberg's story. (Once again, the final scene was no where to be found on Youtube.)

A League of Their Own
The last few scenes of the movie (immediately after the flashback ends) take an unexpectedly sharp turn. I think the heaviest moment comes around the 3:45 mark of the scene where music drops and the camera tilts to the bottom of Jimmy Dugan's display to show he had died in 1987. However, it's not all sad, because the shot of Jon Lovitz's aged character with a cigar in his mouth is hilarious, and the final exchange between Dottie and Kit leaves you on a very high note (and implies pretty well that their relationship had been fractured for a long time). The movie goes from an entertaining, downright funny baseball movie to a seven minute essay on the power of memories and the fragility of life (or, in a certain respect, the inevitability of death).

Rain Man
The character forces in Rain Man are great. Ray, a man who remains strictly in his same ways and routines, causes his brother Charlie, a self-centered money-hungry yuppie that's pissed off at the world, to do a 180 on his personality and priorities. Over the course of the movie, you see Charlie make emotional strides as he gets to know the brother he just found out he had, yet the closer he tries to get to Ray, the clearer it is made that Ray's world is largely impenetrable. In an annoying trend, the final scenes were unable to be found on Youtube, but the tearjerker is the moment when Charlie and Ray touch heads before Ray is about to be sent back to Walbrook. The exchange between the two as Ray gets on the train back to Cincinnati, where Charlie simply smiles after he tries to give Ray a heartfelt goodbye and Ray replies along the lines of "of course, 11 minutes til Wapner" provides a bittersweet yet satisfying ending.

Honorable Mention: Field of Dreams (it's become cliché), American History X, Cinderella Man, It's a Wonderful Life (I have to let other take the reigns on that one since I'm not as well-versed in that movie)

Dishonorable Mention: War of the Worlds, Slumdog Millionaire (I wanted to cry during each of these because I paid actual earned dollars to see these two pieces of crap.)

I know I've left a few deserving movies off the list. That's what the comments section is for. Have at it.