Friday, July 23, 2010

A Day in The Life of Liberal Hippie Douche

I have compiled all my experiences with liberal hippie douche bags to create the ultimate liberal hippie douche experience.

Garet (spelled with 1 T just to be different) wakes up bright and early at 9 AM.  He resides in a one bedroom studio in Washington D.C because one should not live beyond his means. Garet picks up his Jansport backpack hes had for like forever and heads downstairs.  He steps outside in his bright green t-shirt rocking the phrase "Support the ACPP movement" (No one knows what it means but he is begging you to ask him about it).  He gets on his bike that he got from a bike repair shop for free because he knows the owner.  Garet tricked the bike out by adding some Obama bumper stickers.  He heads to Starbucks for breakfast wherever he can enjoy his free Internet, grande cappachino, and scone.  After finishing breakfast at 12 PM., Garet takes the Metro to Monument Park for a rally (he can't remember which one he is joining today), he's counting on fitting in with his bright colored shirt and flip flops.  Of course he brings his bike on the Metro and throws on his ipod to listen some Black Eyed Peas while inconveniencing all those around him. 

Alas he arrives in monument park and realizes its a rally against "Rupert Murdoch and Faux News", his favorite protest of course.  He proceeds to bother working people on their lunch breaks by informing them of the hypocritical coverage on Fox News.  After taking a few signatures for a petition and handing out some brochures he heads to the pub to watch favorite soccer team.

Garet heads to a pub called Lucky's because there is no cover and he refuses to pay extra for Fox Soccer Channel at his house.  He even brings his bike into the bar.  Garet is the only one in the bar without a beer in his hand, naturally free loading.  At half time he holds a discussion with some fellow fans.  Garet states " I hope soccer does not become real big in this country, it will totally kill my street cred." The gentleman who has been hopelessly thrust into this conversation just looks at him funny and turns away.

After the match its time to do some actual work or as much work as someone on Unemployment can do. It's Green Peace Time!  Garet continues to harass the working people on their way home from work asking them pointless questions and trying to guilt trip everyone that walks by. 

Garet rides down to the park to score some dope and heads to his friends house to jam on some tunes.  Garet discussed why the George Bush ruined the country and how Obama going to change things.  He describes how evil the Government is despite the fact that they help pay his rent while he is "looking" for work.  His friend suggest they watch a Michael Moore movie on a "critical issue".  Garet pulls out his computer because his friend is taking a break from using electricity for the day. Garet decides to crash at his friends house because the couch looks alot better then the options at his apartment.

1 comment:

  1. I cried laughing at this. Hall of Fame material