Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Everyone is a Scratch Golfer
To further comment on Lou's post on golf etiquette, I would like to get something else off my chest. After ten years of caddying I have seen alot of bad golf. I mean just awful bleeping golf. What makes it so bad is that these guys have time, equipment, and money at their disposal yet they still can't strike the ball. However.....most of these guys are great players, just not the day I caddy for them. You see, I have heard every excuse humanly conceivable. "I can't hit this club", "My back is out of whack", "In a few weeks I'll be more loose", "These bunkers have no sand", "These greens aren't rolling", "The greens are too fast / slow", "The course doesn't drain well", "My knee", "How could i come up short? I hit it so true", "I don't know whats wrong with me today", "This pin placement is excessive", "I prefer my set of clubs in Florida", "This putter has no feel", "I have a cold", "I don't know about these lessons I took", "I slept funny", "My asthma", "I played so well yesterday", "I can't get a bounce", "That dog was barking", "I need to try new shoes", "When are they going to re-sod", "I can't play with that guy", "My ball was on a root", "This rough is ridiculous", "I was on the fairway with no access to the green" (tough shit, heaven forbid you have to employ some course management, or even something called "skill"), "My hands are sweaty", "Club got caught up in this rough", "These greens are hard", "I misread it", "I misshit it" (well, what's it gonna be?!?!? Did you miss your spot or did you not read the green? Trick question, you just suck at golf), "I changed my routine", "That swing was too fast", "If I could just bring my hips through", "I didnt have a chance to warm up", "Wrong club", "Wheres the wind? I thought it would knock 20 yards off this shot" (wind is an overrated concept in golf in my opinion), "This laser is inaccurate", "These greens don't hold anything", "How could that happen? I hit that ball perfectly", and the list goes on. The only excuses for sucking at golf are lack of practice and lack of athleticism, usually the former. However, you rarely hear this. You will typically hear some lame ass excuse for poor performance. Golf being a gentleman's game, no one ever calls out the person they are playing with on making limp dick excuses. They simply empathize and play on. Wrong club? Oh really, because your swing is so flawless, the only logical explanation for your misfortune is some flaw in club selection. Stop with the excuses, stop putting people on. We know you suck, but you don't have to continue to suck. Just practice, know what it feels like to hit a ball on the screws. But don't feed me weak excuses. When you fuck up a chip, say nothing, no one cares. Admit to yourself you don't practice. Stop kidding yourself, its not healthy. Don't swing scared, just address the ball, relax, and meet it. This post is starting to lack humor, I'm pretty tired, I think I'll go home now.