Sunday, January 31, 2010

They Paved Common Sense, and Put Up a Parking Lot

Ever think about how much time we spend in parking lots? From tailgating before a game to just driving around looking for a place to park at work or a crowded mall, the time clocked in parking lots or garages adds up quicker than you'd think. So of course, if people spend enough time in a certain setting, there are bound to be a few annoying things going on. For tonight I'll point out three and then get back to not watching the Pro Bowl.

1. "Stay within the lines, the lines are your friends" - Remember this lesson that you learn while coloring in kindergarten? Well, the guy with the spanking new car must have forgotten it, because he's got his new puppy straddling two spots near the end of the parking lot, just to be totally sure that no one parks near him. Believe me pal, when you park that far away, it's never going to be terribly crowded with cars, so the option of actually parking within the confines of the painted stripes is not going to backfire on you. I know it's tough for you to not look like a self-important douche, but allow me to quote Tom Arnold in Austin Powers: just grab a hold of something, bite your lip, and give it hell. Come on, we're gonna get through this!

2. The domino effect of bad parking. This is a phenomenon in its own right that is only done justice by photographical evidence, but you know what I'm talking about. You get this a lot in parking garages with tight or diagonal spots. One person parks crooked or uneven (or both), which throws off the person parking next to them (because if they park evenly in their spot they won't have room to open the door and get out), and the next person, and so on and so on. So don't be that guy or that girl who throws off the entire row. Straighten yourself out, because you never know how karma will come back at you. Just ask this guy. (Not that it's related to anything, but who can pass up a chance at a Favre jab?)

3. If you are about to immediately walk indoors from the parking lot, take the sunglasses off. You may have to take a big leap of faith and just trust me on this one, but if you walk from the car to the building without your sunglasses on, I don't think you're going to get hounded by paparazzi. So unless you're about to spend an extended period of time outside once you get out of the car (i.e. you're tailgating, heading to the beach, or taking a walk around a park), leave the sunglasses in the car. The only other mitigating circumstance is if you expect to have to field a fly ball at some point between the car and the building. And since there usually aren't many dudes hitting fungoes at unsuspecting people in parking lots, we can rule that one out too. Although it does give me an idea to spice up the morning at work....

1 comment: