Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Odd Obsessions: Sleep

Sleep is very necessary.  Even I require some amount of sleep.  But how does one enjoy sleep?  You're unconscious.  You don't even know you're sleeping when you're sleeping.  Theoretically, this would mean you could enjoy open heart surgery while under anesthesia.  There is no difference between that unconsciousness and sleeping until 3:30 in the afternoon.  What is there to enjoy?  I don't get it.  Until I can control my dreams like in the movie Total Recall, I don't see the enjoyment in sleep.  Hopefully science can bring us to the point where we can dream about women with 3 breasts and Sharon Stone when she was still hot.  Think of the possibilities.   That would get me excited for some sleep.  Imagine after a long day, you could come home, watch a movie, ballgame, or do whatever the hell it is you do with your time.  Once bedtime rolls around, plug yourself into the old dream machine, and you could be taken upon whatever journey you want.  Am I the only person who is unsatisfied enough with their life to come up with these ideas?  In any event, I will not censor myself. 

Personally, I enjoy the feeling of being well rested in the morning after a good night of sleep.  Anyone who requires beyond 8 hours of sleep per night is a fucking weakling.  Sleepovers were difficult as a child because I would be the first to wake up, usually about 8 AM, then I would proceed to stare at the ceiling for 3 hours.  Excessive sleep does nobody any good.  It leads to becoming a coffee drinker, which is a subject that will be addressed in the future.  Who sleeps excessively?  Girls and fat people (often one in the same) seem to be particularly guilty of this.  Most girls have an exhausting day of bitchiness so they need their 10-12 hours to recover so they can be groggy when they get out of bed and have fresh bitchiness ammunition to start their day.  Fat fucks sleep excessively because they're bad people.   Their heavy breathing and such is quite tiring.  A solid ten hours of sleep is needed for them to have the energy to carry on their daily fat fuck duties of climbing stairs, getting into cars, getting out of cars, getting out of chairs, eating, being out of breath, and sweating for no reason.  I realize out of shape people have become a macguffin of sorts of this blog, but I simply cannot exploit them enough.  To get back on track and wrap up this post, sleep is not as good as you think.  Get your 6-8  and be done with it.  Do not bitch about lack of sleep, and do not tell me how much you love to sleep.  Live your fucking life, sleep when you're dead.

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