Thursday, March 25, 2010

Things Grown Men Should Not Do: Snuggies

Purchase and wear a "Snuggie".

You cannot be serious, man!  These might be the almightiest pussy item of all time.  We have all seen the commercials for these stupid novelty comfort items. Wow, it's like a blanket and I wear it.  A grown man looks ridiculous in one of these things.  Wear a robe like a real man.  I severely doubt Hugh Hefner will be replacing his trademark robe with a Snuggie anytime soon.  It's bad enough people wear these things in their own home, it's infinitely worse when they are worn in public.  Do not let me catch you wearing a Snuggie to a ball game, so help me God.  Be a man.  Put on your long johns and North Face or Carhart gear if it's cold out. Snuggies are clearly chick items.  I believe it was a Cleveland Cavaliers game recently in which the team had a Snuggie giveaway promotion one night.  Every single fan in attendance received a complimentary Snuggie.  It was annoying to look at, all the while it was disturbing as well.  It looked like some sort of bizarre cult gathering.  20,000 people gathered in an arena wearing uniformly colored Snuggies, can you say Jonestown??? 

A man who wears a snuggie has completely sold out his manhood.  When I picture a guy wearing a snuggie, I see a man who walks his girlfriends poodle, has dark rimmed glasses, listens to dave matthews, dislikes golf, wears a backpack around the city, wears turtlenecks, and probably doesn't lift.  Snuggies are baggy, impractical, and make you look like some sort of wizard from Lord of the Rings or some shit like that.  They are for women who sit around drinking wine while eating Ben & Jerry's trying to determine which eat-whatever-food-you-want-without-exercise diet plan they want to go on next week. 

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