Wednesday, February 3, 2010

"Allergic? To dancing?"

I don't get it. I just do not get it. What is so much fun about dancing? And why does it become a seemingly involuntary activity when people go out? Don't get me wrong, being in a fraternity all 4 years in college with countless parties and mixers in my career, I've had more than my share of plastered fun on a dance floor. But that's a different animal. Everyone is out there for the same thing, to get as drunk as possible and hook up as often as you can (excuse me while I wipe away a tear of nostalgia), and sooner or later people are just going to start grinding all over each other. It's a four- or five-year vacation, depending on how you play your cards.

But let's take dancing at face value for a minute. You're moving your body around but not really going anywhere; you are in constant motion yet stay pretty much in the same spot on the floor. Why do people go so crazy about this? Why do we always see a bunch of girls at bars, evidently scorning men for the night and just going to town in their little circle there, acting like they just won the lottery? A theory behind that is they don't want to look too desperate so they're just going to dance "with my girls!" so it seems like they're having fun even if no males approach them that night (an outright lie). And on a side note, why do these groups of women way too often resemble a kickoff return team in terms of physical stature - i.e. there's one good looking one with a nice body (the returner) and 4-5 hulking behemoths around her (the blockers).

I'm not here to knock on dancing. I totally respect it as an art form and skill. And hey, if you've got it in the repertoire, then why not rock the hell out of it at the bar? But at the same time, oil painting is a skill and an art form, and I don't see people rocking their easels and canvasses when they go out on a Saturday night. When you get down to it, people like to dance in bars because they can get some dry humpage out of the deal, and then things go where they may. And that in itself is where the fun actually is - in getting attention or admiration from another person. Bouncing yourself around like a jackass is a means to that end for some people.

I suffer from acute White Man's Disease. Dancing is a skill that probably waved bye-bye to me sometime in the '80s. Even though you can take lessons and such, it doesn't make you "good," it just may elevate you to "doesn't suck." You're either born with the ability or you're not. So don't hold it against me if I don't see the enjoyment in dancing. It doesn't mean I don't like fun; it just means I'm self aware.

I find it funny when girls say "I can't be with a man who can't dance." Why does one particular skill become the deal breaker? You never hear a man say "I just can't be with a girl who can't hit a curveball." When you look at it that way, both statements are asinine, yet the former is somehow a belief that is accepted rather widely. Now I'd just love to meet the guy out there who keeps a wiffle ball set in his trunk and won't let a girl meet Mom unless she gets a piece of the ol' number 2. (Oh no, I think I just gave Matthew McConaughey a new movie idea.....)

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