Saturday, February 20, 2010


This week we plunged deeper into the doldrums of winter with only the faux hope of "Pitchers and Catchers!" on our tray. Great, pitchers and catchers reported, that gets you excited for about 15 minutes before you realize it's still 25 degrees outside up here and the real season is still 6 weeks away. The Winter Olympics hold my attention for about 76 seconds a day. With nothing going on, there's nothing to talk about, which brings radio hosts, newspaper columnists, hood rats drinking MGD in a dive bar, and everyone else with an opinion and a forum back to the same tired, beaten-to-death-and-back topics that I just cannot take anymore.

I'm saturated. There is nothing more to absorb. Or I'm like those stain-defender Dockers where the grape juice just bounces right off the pants in the commercial. Either way, hearing or reading any discussion on these issues are an immediate trigger to the tune-out button.

(Speaking of which, how great would an actual tune-out button be in real life? You get buried in a boring conversation or pointless meeting at work, and you can just hit a button and in one ear you get to hear music from your iPod, or some George Carlin stand-up, or whatever you want to actually be listening to? When we all have computer chips in our brains someday I hope this gets invented pronto.)

I digress, but that's why parentheses exist. The following is a list of subjects more tired than Forrest Gump after running across the country 4 times.

-Tiger Woods
-Brett Favre
-Joba Chamberlain - starter or reliever? (Reliever. If you want 2,000 words on why, I do take individual requests)
-The annual "Donovan McNabb -trade him or keep him?" debate
-Sarah Palin
-Tim Tebow's draft status
-Which team "might offer Johnny Damon a contract this week" (EDIT: Enjoy Detroit, Johnny.)
-The price of gas
-Any and all celebrity couples
-The movie Avatar

And coming soon:
NCAA tournament bubble teams
-Stats and scores from spring training games
-The NFL's impending labor fiasco

The moral of the story is, just let these subjects play themselves out. Brain-piercing repetitive discussion has no impact on anything. But it does give me an excuse to channel Marlo Stanfield's first spoken line in The Wire - "Do it or don't. But I got someplace to be."

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