Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Loud People Make Me Nervous

What is personality? I am with Frank Carbone on this one. Being outgoing, boisterous, and loud does not necessarily equate to having personality. My old man used to say an empty barrel makes more noise. I find this is very much the case. Frankly, loud people make me nervous. It really comes back to what Lou discussed below, what are these people trying to compensate for? Most likely it's a lack of intelligence, confidence, or even personality. They have nothing funny to say, so they state the obvious in a loud manner. These fuckheads are human versions of a Spencers novelty gag gift, as their humor is very obvious, generic, predictable, and obnoxious. "Oh look let me get my uncle this giant bottle of "over the hill sex drive pills" for his 50th birthday! It's so funny because he is old and its kinda like fake viagra for his Johnson that doesn't work, HAHAHAHAH. Johnson, HAHAHHAHA!".

It's okay to be obnoxious, I encourage it. I myself am obnoxious. However, obnoxious behavior is only permissible when it is used in a witty manner. I'm not impressed with loud, in-your-face, predictable obnoxious behavior. We get it, you're in the room, you can calm the fuck down now, we recognize your presence. You can check your outgoing charisma at the door, thank you. What you say isn't really funny, but the weak-minded might find it so since you're so damn loud, they feel obligated to laugh. It's tiring. Your presence is tiring. Holding a conversation with you is like running stairs. I am relaxed, your loud laughter does not put me at ease. It only increases my skepticism towards you, your agenda, and your intelligence level. I don't consider myself a quiet person. However, I am skeptical of new people. Especially those that are loud.

George Carlin had a routine regarding this. The bit was about that saying "its always the quiet ones" regarding nutcases and such, and the perception that quiet people are shifty and shady. I agree with George's position on the matter. "While you're busy worrying about a quiet one, a loud one will fucking kill you!!" So true!

I am also quite annoyed when people are like, "What's wrong? Why are you so quiet?" BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO YOU, NUMBNUTS! We don't like the same things, we have different philosophies, you're an ignoramus, and frankly you bore me. I dealt with this constantly at a previous place of employment. It was a restaurant, so I was thrown in with a lot of loud dimwitted fucks. "Why don't you smile, John?" Because I don't care to hear about your kids, your boyfriends truck, and how you clean your house all day! Why on Earth would I care about this? For 3 months I worked there, and I honestly never heard one thing said that was truly funny. "Why are you so quiet? Whats the matter? Do you not like us?" Do you want me to say yes? What makes you think you are privy to my sense of humor and views on life? Good conversation requires at least two competent parties. It's not worth it to me to waste my humor on you, when it's only going to go over your head. You can't handle what I have to say. I uncover reality. Reality can be painful, but I can make it funny. My humor is scathing. It's like a hot poker in your side. I will brand you with a quip, the way a rancher brands his cattle. Your humor on the other side is like a cheap henna tattoo you got in Sea Isle or Ocean City. It doesn't last, its tacky, commercial, and in a way it's too cautious. So don't give me this "why are you quiet" crap. I'm not quiet, I just have nothing to say to you.

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